Never knew I needed you /lestappen

22. The Japanese trauma

Charles pov: 

Again the practices were all okay. I was too tired to think about them. But I was nervous for the qualifying. I almost wished that I wouldn't be in the top three since then I would have to probably face Max and that was something I definitely didn't want. He hadn't reachead out to me the whole weekend so every time I saw him in the paddock I just  went hiding from him. When the qualifying began and I ended up second behind Max I almost started to cry since I was just so tired of everything. Luckily Carlos was third so I didn't have to be alone with him, I had Carlos by my side the whole time. The only time I had to be standing next to Max was when we took the photos. After that I left as quickly as possible. When my mediamanager told me I had to go to the press conference where the top three qualifyers were always attending I almost started screaming to her face but luckily got my feelings under control. 

In my oppinion the post qualifying conferences were pointless. The questions were always the same and I was tired of them especially now. I was deeply in my thoughts when Max slightly pushed my arm. I watched him confused untill I realised someone had asked me something. 

"I am sorry can you repeat the question?" I asked trying to sound as polite as possible while faking a smile.

"Yes, so Charles how do you feel about the fact that about eight years ago you lost your Godfather here in Suzuka?" I watched the people who asked the question shooked look in my face. How could someone even ask me that. 

"Well how do you think I feel about that? Do you actually think that I am not missing him every day? I don't even know how you have the audacity to ask me something like that since it should be obvious that I miss my dear godfather every day of my life and will continue to miss him" I said anger dripping from my voice. 

"This is like you would ask me how do I feel about the fact that my own father died five years ago. How would you feel If you were in my position and I would be asking you these questions?" I asked almost screaming. I stood up and left the room. I couldn't take it any more so leaving was the best option. From outside I could hear Carlos and Max talking about how disrespectfull everyone was towards me and that they should be ashamed. I ran back to the Ferrari tears in my eyes. This last week had been shitty enough and now everyone was just reminding me of Jules who I missed more than I normaly would. 

"Jules why can't you be here I need you" I whispered while curled up in my driver rooms corner. Some time later I heard a knock at my door. 

"Max?" I asked almost hoping that he would be here to comfort me.

"No sorry it's Pierre" I heard Pierre speaking. "Can I come in?" He asked and I allowed him to come inside. He quickly walked towards me and took me in his arms. 

"Oh Charles they were so shitty towards you I know" He rocked me while I was crying in his arms.

"Why it always has to be this shitty for me, Can't something ever go my way?" I cried. 

"You have had a pretty shitty year I agree but everything will be fine" He assured me. 

"I miss them so much" I sobbed. 

"I miss them too" Pierre whispered. 

"I have lost my dad, godfather and one of my best firends and now I don't even know if I have a boyfriend anymore" I didn't want to stop crying since I felt so bad now that I was thinking about all the things that had happened in my life. 

"I can't lose you too" I said sniffing while I looked Pierre in thee eyes. 

"You won't lose me I promisse you that" He smiled. "But think about the positive part about what happened in the press conference, you don't have to go all the other interviews" Pierre tried to cheer me up and it worked.