Paper Dolls

Chapter 54

The steady flow of the river's stream keeps me company as I lean my palms against the rock underneath, staring at the treeline far ahead. After the madness of last week, these past few days have felt like an alternate reality.

The first day I came back to Hadong will be a day I remember forever. Flower wreaths lining the walls of the community centre, my pictures strewn all around town, friends and family taking turns to congratulate me.

It feels like a lucid dream. I haven't even produced or released a song, haven't performed on a debut stage but the entire town of Hadong has been treating me like I just won the olympics.

Daily pot luck celebrations with everyone gathered at our usual restaurant or community centre. Me having to give speeches in which I end up in tears.

It was only when our town's head gave his speech did I realise just how much my achievement meant to the whole of Hadong.

The town grieved when Dalia passed. She was their pride, their joy. A dark void formed when she died and I didn't realise my debut had started to fill it. Now Hadong had another K-pop idol in their midst, something to look forward to and although the weight of that terrifies me, it also fills me with gratitude that people here feel that way about my potential.

I've been thinking about Dalia a lot since coming back. It feels like a single brick weighing on my chest, on it's own it's bearable but as time passes it grows heavier by the second.

I fold my feet under me and stare at the gushing water, the way eddies form around each rock. We used to come here when we were little, trying to catch fish and play in the water. A single tear runs down my cheek and I brush it away with the back of my hand.

I wish she was here. I wish we could celebrate this together. I would give anything to see her expression, to hear the words 'congratulations' escape her lips. She used to call me 'her shadow' because I used to follow her everywhere.

Congratulations my shadow.

I chuckle to myself, realising just how pathetic my thoughts are. The need for recognition from a dead person who will never speak again.

I hear a loud crack and the sound of a twig snapping. My sister has never been much of a sleuth.

"Ahh there you are. Finally found our superstar."

I fling a leaf at her but it lands on the ground between us. Kang Hanna curses when she nearly trips over a boulder and finally sits down next to me, her legs crossed over one another.

"You, okay?" She asks tentatively. I'm surprised she even noticed something was off. I've played the part ever since I got back, I've been genuinely happy around all well wishers. It's only at night or times like this when I'm alone do I let thoughts of Binna and Dalia consume me.

"I don't know. Does that sound ungrateful of me?" I turn to see her staring at the steady stream in front of us.

"No, I knew you would be upset when Binna wasn't announced in the line up. You've been so busy since coming back, I never got the chance to ask you about it." She smiles sadly and she just might be the most observant sixteen year old I've ever known.

I press my palms against the rocky surface, inhaling the cool fresh air that I've grown to miss. "It's just so sick, Hanna. So unfair."

I then unload on her, like I've done a million times before because if it's one person I trust, it's my sister. I tell her about Binna and then a little about Dalia, leaving out all the crazy things I've been up to.

By the time I'm done, her eyes are round as saucers.

"What are you going to do?" She asks after a contemplative pause.