Paper Dolls

Chapter 33

I have to squint beyond the glare of the stage lights to be able to make out the silhouettes of Mr. Yang and the few other execs who join him. 

The intro to our song begins and I shift to my position, suddenly unsure of how to pose or act or just exist. A small voice in my head screams at me, telling me I've done this a million times off stage prior to this. 

This should be a breeze, I shouldn't be this nervous. But as the first verse starts and Jiho sings in tune with Rachel, I feel my entire body tense up. 

They sound so good together. Now that my vision has cleared I can clearly make out the look of approval on Mr Yang's face. 

It's the wrong time to be overthinking about this. I shouldn't be wondering if Jiho was indeed looking at Rachel instead of me like the rest of the girls have been saying. I shouldn't be thinking about how she has shifted closer to him, so close that their hands could brush each other's at any moment. 

Something about the way they are standing just seems so intimate. A familiarity that shouldn't exist but does. Images of Rachel and Jiho meeting each other secretly like we've been doing begin to poison my mind.

The thought of Jiho sharing a tofu stick with her, a stroll hand in hand or a rendezvous in the secret Firefly cafe makes me feel sick. 

The chorus takes over and I harmonise with Rachel while Silver and Jiho sing the main lines. Silver smiles at me and I try to do the same, hoping my placid expression can mask the blatant jealousy I feel inside. 

Rachel and Jiho take on the first part of the second verse and they are so amazingly coordinated, their chemistry fills the entire stage. The way she looks at him when she sings and the way he is looking at her. 

They are just like..lovers. 

My stomach churns as Silver sings the first line to our verse. Time feels like it stretches into forever yet at the same time his part ends in the blink of an eye and before I know it my verse has come up. 

My heart is beating a thousand miles a minute and I rap my verse the best that I can, but my voice comes out choked and emotionless. I catch Mr Yang's glare from the front row and try my best to make up for it in the pre chorus right down to the last verse. 

He crosses his arms over each other once we are done and I turn to the side only to see Rachel high five Jiho happily. 

They did well, I have to give them that. They were in perfect harmony during their verse and Jiho is smiling so widely at her. My heart feels like a solidified stone that has sunk to my stomach. 

Today has turned out worse than I expected. No not worse, horrible. This is the last thing I needed, getting distracted like this when we are so close to the showcase. 

I hate to admit this to myself but maybe Jiho is a distraction I don't need. This realisation makes me feel like a ball has lodged in my throat. This is the first time I've ever liked a guy like this and the thought of not meeting him again makes me feel physically sick. 

The four of us stand in a line and bow in unison. The executives are silent which can't be good and all I want to do is rush to the fitting rooms and find a corner where I can be alone to gather my thoughts. 

Which are currently all over the place. 

"Umm, the outfits look good," Mr Yang shrugs his shoulders, surprising me. I thought he was going to have my head with his first sentence. 

"But Jina, if you screw up that verse again, I'm pulling you out of this performance. Got it?" 

My skin burns, knowing that the entire auditorium and the rest of the girls backstage must have heard that. I can feel Silver, Rachel and Jiho's gaze on me when I nod.