DM; s. itoshi

; may 18

you hated it.

the thought of breaking up with sae felt like daggers digging into the pit of your stomach. your head pounded with frustration and sadness. you didn't know what to think, your mind was a blur.

staring at the ceiling, you let out a sigh. how could you talk to sae when the words you want to say were locked up and couldn't form correctly. you wanted to rip your hair out to mute the thoughts that corrupted your head.

a knock on the door startled you from your thoughts. wiping your tear stained face, you sat up from the fetal position you laid in, "come in."

the door creaked open, the light from the hallway dimly illuminating your darkened bedroom. an unknown figure walked into your room, shutting the door softly behind them as they made their way to your bed.

still staring upwards, your eyes didn't dare to glance at the person who know sunk down on the side of your bed next to your side. a familiar scent wavered in the air, a warm vanilla mixed with a hint of cologne: sae.

"what are you doing here," not looking at your lover the words choked out, your stomach churning angrily, you thought you could throw up. why was he here, he didn't tell you he was coming to america.

silence enveloped the already awkward atmosphere until sae parted his lips slightly to speak, "we need to talk, formally, not through text or call, in person. and the team and i are taking a vacation to hawaii anyway so i see this as the perfect opportunity to talk to you."

"well it's not like i can back out, you're already here."

you hauled yourself up, turning your body so that you were sitting beside him. "i don't know how much longer i can hold on, sae." tears threatened to escape your once dry eyes. while taking a break seemed like the better option, letting go would finally let you breathe. maybe this was the scenario of 'right person, wrong time,' you didn't know.

"what do you mean?"

how could he be so dense, you knew he wasn't a mind reader but your words couldn't be more straight forward. if not, the implication that you were giving up was heavily laced into the way your voice cracked as you spit out that sentence.

you crossed your arms against your chest, eyes burning holes into the floor, "i don't know if i can keep going in this relationship," taking a shaky breath you continued, "i love you, i really do, but i'm starting to lose hope that we'll ever be okay again. if we can't communicate over something so simple and it escalates into something bigger, then what would happen when it's a situation where it's even bigger than this?"

you were scared, running away seemed like the only option to protect yourself from getting hurt. you wanted to shelter your heart from the pang it feels when the hurt slips through your skin.

the tension that lingered in the air could kill, although sitting not even a foot away from each other you could feel the static barrier between you. you wanted to reach out towards him, feel his skin against yours.

you didn't expect your second meeting with sae to be this hurtful, words couldn't describe how much you hated yourself. you just wanted everything to be okay, you wanted sae to understand how you felt.

"[y/n], i don't want to lose you, but if you want to leave i promise you can," sae clutched onto his hoodie sleeves, him also looking at the floor, "i want you to know that whatever you choose, i support it."

this was a new side of sae you have never seen before. the vulnerability that you've seen before was nothing in comparison to this, it was like he could break down into a river of tears if you played your words in the wrong way. he too was hurt.

"i don't think i'm ready to leave... but i need to know that things will change from here on out."

sae turned his head to look at you, his hand reaching to cup the slope your cheek, thumb pad rolling against your flesh, wiping the tears that spewed from your eyes. you didn't even realize you were crying. "i promise, i'll fix whatever you need me to fix. and if you don't see it, then tell me. if you think it's time to end it, end it. i won't stop you."

"thank you, sae."

the prodigy pulled you into his arms, wrapping himself around you as you let whatever emotions you were holding back to break through. the melodic rhythm of his heartbeat sent you into a trance, you felt safe.

looking up, you felt yourself lean in as you captured his lips into a kiss, an intensely passionate kiss. a kiss that said the things you both couldn't find the words to say.

"i love you."

"i love you too."

+++

author's note;
yall better hope me and my
bf dont break up cuz istg i will
break up y/n and sae