blondie | valtteri bottas [COMPLETED]

secrets out | 17

i'm so sorry for disappointing but in the time that i was gone suddenly valtteri has a mullet???????

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trigger warning: mentions of miscarriage

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[1304 words]

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dima woke up to her hoarse throat, itching for some water, but was pleasantly reminded of valtteri who slept in the same position he always had done. he never moved when he slept, and thus her hand was still entwined with his.

she stretched her fingers, but didn't let go of his hand. she craned her head to look at the clock on the wall. the time read around 6 am. she sighed, knowing she had to get up around now anyway if she wanted to make it to the track which was quite a bit away from the hotel on time.

she turned her attention to valtteri again, and smiled. he was so much better than what she could have possibly asked for. he hadn't wandered in the night, and had stayed with her like she asked even if he was clearly more tired from the events of qualifying yesterday.

she gently released her fingers, which caused him to stir. she quietly left the bed to get some water from the mini fridge.

she drank the cold liquid and walked back to the bed to find that the man had sprung awake. not a heavy sleeper either, she guessed. although this was the most comfortable she had slept since last year.

'dima? when did you wake up?' she tried not to focus on his voice.

'just now.' she replied.

she glanced at the clock in the room, and strained her eyes to see the time. it was 6.10. it took her ten minutes to drink water. this was a new accomplishment. or a low.

he reached out to hold her hand and pull her towards the bed. she sat in front of him and crossed her feet. that way she could stop fidgeting. she was going to rip the band aid. she needed to say it now or else it will weigh on her for many many years to come.

'i lost my baby.' she said as simply as possible. she saw hints of his face change, his eyes softened while his eyebrow raised by a fraction. she stayed quiet until she felt his hand that covered hers squeeze in reassurance.

'today. it was todays date. last year. i lost my baby. isaac. i lost isaac.' she was speaking monosyllabically. valtteri put the pieces together and understood her behaviour from yesterday. she was still recovering from that shock.

she had cried many many tears in the first few months, taking days of work while her boss gave her sympathetic but largely pitiful eyes. after that her tears had dried up and she was left with her impending divorce and a loss of light in life.

it had all changed when she bumped into valtteri at the airport.

valtteri in all honesty didn't know what to say. he knew she was a divorcee, as was he, but he hadn't anticipated such a loss from her part. she hadn't yet disclosed the reason behind why her marriage failed, but he could guess why now.

he just enveloped her in his arms and rocked back and forth slightly on the bed, soothing her hair as she let out the first tears of the day.

he eventually laid her on the bed, tucking his arms around her so her face was into his chest. her wet cheeks leaving marks on his t-shirt while her words made his chest vibrate.

'lukas and i had painted the nursery.' lukas. that was his name. 'we painted blue, because we liked blue. it had taken days to do all the coats. then the furniture. we bought it second hand and repainted them from a couple in our neighbourhood. lukas was really good at that kind of stuff. diy type.' she stopped speaking when she realised she was going too deep into the description of her ex husband.

valtteri realised that when she was speaking she stopped crying, and therefore just stroked her hair in response. he didn't want to pressurise her, or urge her to continue. but at the same time he didn't want her to keep the words locked up inside and weighing her down.

'i didn't just lose my son that day. this day.' she corrected herself.

'i lost my marriage. i lost my husband and my best friend in one.' she spoke bluntly as she recalled it. her voice was stronger though, and valtteri hoped it was a sign that she was getting better.

she sat up at this point.

'i hope you understand why i'm so distant.' she meant it in her affections. she wasn't overly affectionate, and her reluctance at the beginning of their relationship stood out to him more. she was scared of experiencing it all over again, and perhaps losing it too.

'i'm just afraid i'll lose it all over again.' her breath hitched in her throat at the admission. that was the elephant in the room, although it was only visible to one part of the couple.

'dima.' he cupped her face gently, guiding her brown eyes to his inescapable blue ones. 'you need to stop blaming yourself for what happened. everything happens for a reason. and not everything that happened has to be repeated.' he gathered his breath to continue, his thumb still stroking over her soft cheekbones.

'sometimes i'm afraid too.' he let his heart do the talking. 'when i was in the middle of my divorce, i thought it was all over. i never expected to be part of the statistic of failed marriages, but it happened. it snuck up on me. there was the media to make it all the more worse.' dima's eyes softened even more, reading the pain in his eyes. it was difficult enough without outsiders meddling in their business. 'it was so hard picking up the pieces after that, with my career, my family... everything.' he stopped before turning to face dima directly again.

'but then i met you. i don't know if it was some sick twisted way for the universe to make us realise what was right in front of us this entire time but i'm so glad.' the relief in his voice was so raw and present that it took everything in dima to stop herself from bursting into tears again. she never knew he could be so reflective.

who is she kidding. this was valtteri.

valtteri viktor bottas. he was quiet, reflective, and reassuring. she could only expect for him to be delivering such speeches.

she placed her hands over where his own one was on her face and interlinked their fingers. the sun had started to dance through the gaps in the curtains, as if to remind them that this was a new beginning for both of them. they hadn't even realised how their faces became clearer and clearer to see and how the absence of light disappeared around them.

'you're so outrageously loveable. it kind of makes me sick.' she joked, leaning forward to peck him on the lips. he placed his hands on her forearms to prevent her from breaking the embrace.

she rested her forehead against his, their noses touching and closed her eyes to savour the moment. her chest felt so much lighter. she felt the beard he was growing prick her slightly, but she much preferred him with the beard than without.

'so are we going to stay in bed all day or should we get going and explore?'

'val, no offence, but im not done kissing the hell out of you yet.'

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how was it? sorry for the long wait. i was having major problems with this book that doesn't want to end 😭

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