Accidental Soulmate (H2O) [VeeMark]

10~

In which Mark hurts not only himself but also the people he likes.
~~~

Unsurprisingly, Mark is in a really bad shape afterwards – to the point of never wanting to get out of bed ever again. What's the point of even trying when there's nothing good waiting for him anyway? He wonders dully in the dead of the night as bone deep exhaustion settles over his body, limbs growing heavy, dragging him through the mattress and down to the pits of anguished hell. The dark, shadowy ceiling hovers precariously above him, far too close, slowly closing down on him like a silken-lined lid on a coffin, both cruel and beautiful. Paralyzing.

The stuffy night air rattles achingly inside of Mark's chest with each scratchy breath, until he starts gasping frantically, stiff hands shooting up to claw at his throat, at the sheets, fisting the sleek fabric into a white-knuckled grip. The whites of his wide eyes flash through the gloom. He's fucking terrified to be left all alone; abandoned and unwanted.

It seems that Mark has lost something precious without the senior at his side, a piece of his heart maybe. Not that he has ever been complete to begin with, but for a little while, Vee has made him feel less lost and searching inside this cursed world that held nothing but scorn and misery for him. It's completely illogical because Vee hasn't even done anything special. He was just simply there, excising beside Mark. Breathing. For one precious moment Mark's heart has been soaring. He finally found a sliver of place where he might belong, forehead nestled against the dip of Vee's smooth shoulder, safe within the arms of his embrace, breathing him in, feeling the warmth of his slightly sticky skin. And yet it's nothing more than wishful thinking on Mark's part, because Vee has never shared the same sentiment. He already has Ploy, a bubbly girlfriend to share it with. He doesn't need an emotional bond with someone as broken and unstable as Mark.

Which is probably why Mark can't breathe right now – because there's a big, gaping hole inside his chest.

And it has Vee's name carved inside of it.

There should be more to life than this, Mark argues with himself petulantly. Something must be wrong with him to get so worked up over a guy he's been fucking around with just to pass the time.

Now, if P'Bar hasn't been incessantly texting Mark whenever he misses one of the mandatory practices in favor of walling in self-misery, Mark would've surely already done something stupid. When he finally does show up, the senior is quick to breathe down his neck like a fucking hellhound, not letting him out of his sight and Mark takes it. He's desperate enough.

For what it's worth, which he thinks isn't that much after all, Mark doesn't want to be remembered as a quitter and a sore loser. So with his Phi's help he dutifully conforms to the life he's given and throws himself blindly into the workout schedule and what's left of the race preparations together with the rest of the guys on the swimming team. When he doesn't swim lengths in the pool himself under Bar's guidance, Mark helps others with clocking their laps or reviewing their technique. It gives him something to focus on and rouses a sense of fulfillment, despite the rising trepidation whenever he glances at the poolside bleachers and cannot find the familiar face of the only person that he wants to see there. His heart sinks each time.

Just how much power did he let Vee gain over him?

Wasn't Mark too easy? Too quick to give a piece of himself away?

The self-depreciation is a constant, nagging presence at the backwaters of his mind, whispering degrading things to him in a voice eerily similar to his father's preachy tone each time Mark closes his eyes, trying to fall asleep after yet another pointless day. Thankfully the cool, azure water soothes his frazzled nerves whenever he dives into the pool, his heightened senses numbed by the stingy chlorine scent as he floats lethargically with his legs and arms splayed wide like a starfish, treading the gentle waves while looking up into the vast, blue sky towering above him.