Accidental Soulmate (H2O) [VeeMark]

12~

Trigger warning for brief depiction of self-harm, also the way the characters rationalize about self-harm and death in this story is not healthy. When in doubt, please make sure to seek help 🙏

In which Mark finally confesses.
~~~

Dark trees and a strip of the bleak morning horizon swish past the rattling window. The blurry shapes cause Mark's head to throb even more incessantly from the headache that brews just at the base of his skull. He presses his clammy forehead against the cool glass, sinking deeper into the plush seat and wraps his arms around himself while trying to find a more comfortable position for the remainder of the bus ride. The university has ever so graciously funded some of the expenses for their club's trip to Bangkok, which includes hiring a private bus. And so, the whole swimming team and then some of the senior club members, along with a couple of honoree friends such as Yiwaa and Gun, have managed to pile themselves into the vehicle way too early for any sane person to be awake. Even now, there's a group at the very back that's way too excited considering the ungodly hour.

Mark pointedly tries not to think about the absence of a certain someone.

The seat next to him is thankfully left empty, not that Yiwaa didn't make a fair attempt to sit with him, until Bar noticed Mark's ashen face and dragged her off to sit some place else. Mark can barely keep himself together as it is, least have any extra energy to deal with someone else at the moment. He hasn't been able to sleep even one wink during the whole night after his confrontation with Vee, emotions running high. He didn't even have the capacity to notice P'Bar when the senior sided up next to him with a sleepy 'good morning' as they put away their bags in the luggage compartment, not until he nudged Mark gently to get his attention.

But that's the least of his troubles.

The real issue is how one of Mark's thighs keeps stinging with flashes of white pain whenever he moves around and accidentally jolts the fresh cut-wounds on his skin. Thankfully they're not too deep, but they're still nasty enough. He's aware that this isn't normal. Yet Mark can't deny the flood of relief he felt each time the glass shard sunk into his flesh. The pain had numbed everything else and for a gratifying moment, it was the only thing he could feel while his consciousness got scattered between the folds of reality.

Now however, Mark hisses when the sore ache gets to him. Fuck. What now? He wonders slightly panicky as he stares wide-eyed at the white gauze that peaks out from under the hem of his jersey shorts, tightly wrapped around the mid-thigh of his leg. How many painkillers can he down before the side effects start getting to him? A couple of pills in the span of a few hours? Five? Maybe ten pills in the space of twenty-four hours? Mark tugs quickly on the soft, stretchy fabric of his clothing before anyone can notice, hiding the incriminating evidence of his reckless deeds. Shame twists nauseatingly in his lower stomach. He should've called in sick and stayed home, but his pride wouldn't let him.

Mark closes his dry eyes with an exhausted exhale and let's his clammy forehead bump faintly against the chilly windowpane, and despite the chaos inside his mind Mark tries to get some sleep. However, the two guys sitting right behind him don't seem to share the same sentiment, talking loudly about this and that, their nagging voices constantly invading Mark's sluggish thoughts. He presses his lips into a thin line and curls more aggressively against the side of his seat with a pitiful noise, sinking into his warm hoodie and tries to keep it all in, keeping himself together from either lashing out or breaking apart – whichever comes first.

"Gun said he's going to confess to P'Bar after the race," one of the guys says out of nowhere and Mark's body stiffens, hands curling into fists against his sides where he keeps them locked tightly around himself. He can feel the band-aid on his index finger crumble in his grip as the adhesive glue gives out a little.