Imagination

14. Loudspeaker

Oikawa

My lips left the sensation of her soft and supple skin, wanting nothing but to kiss those quivering lips of hers. My heart skipped a beat thinking of doing that, but my brain rationalized and pulled me back in line before I attempted to do anything reckless.

With a curt "I'm sorry," I stood up from my chair, and walked towards the door of her room. I couldn't take it anymore. If I spent another moment with this girl, I'd ever be able to turn back. I couldn't betray Lisa like that, even if I didn't love her in the same way anymore.

The least I wanted to do was break up with her, and not be a benevolent bastard who cheated on her. She didn't deserve that, not at all.

However, my heart soared, only beat, only thrived for Kaori, and no one else. It was a known and stated fact, and I knew it to be true. My feelings for her have only deepened, and it kills me to see her in such a state. All I wanted was to tell her to wait for me, but I pushed it out in the totally wrong direction.

With a heavy slam of the door behind me, I took a deep breath, and smashed my foot hard on the ground, furious at myself. With the loudest whisper-curse I'd ever done, I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets, and stomped angrily off Kaori's property.

I mentally swore so heavily at myself, still sulking as I walked on the sidewalk we had once talked on countless times. This was pure and utter torture. More than my own life, I wanted to be with her. And instead of making her smile, I made her cry. I never wanted to see her make that wretched face again. Something as beautiful as her shouldn't be able to cry such tears of sorrow, so agonizing and discomforting to see.

I snatched my phone out of my bag in anger, and dialed Iwa's number as fast as I could. He'd be the one to call me a dumbass for this kind of thing, but there really wasn't anyone else I could turn to at this moment.

I found my way to Seijoh's entrance steps, and slouched down in despair, ripping off the glasses that sat on the bridge of my nose in absolute fury. With another wave of anger, and chucked them at the ground, shattering them into a thousand fragmented shards.

With a shuddering sigh, I held my phone to my ear, massaging my forehead with an ache I couldn't even begin to describe. It was pulsating like crazy, and the throbbing of it just added more pressure to the already horrid situation.

"I fucked up."

He let out an audible sigh. "What is it this time?"

"I messed up. Bad. I hurt her in ways I can't even describe."

With a swallow, I squeezed my eyes shut in shame.

"I...I made her cry, Iwa."

Silence. I knew he'd react like this. Kaori was a friend of his too, so of course if I made her cry, he'd be furious. It was fair, however. I couldn't let go of that crude factor.

"What did you do to her, Shittykawa? Tell me right now. Don't you dare act like a coward and avoid it. You knew damn well that calling me would just resort to another lecture, right you dumbass?!"

His voice was rash and demanding, which was exactly what I deserved. I sighed heavily into the speaker, and nodded to myself, gently closing my eyes.

"I can't tell her about everything that's been going on so far, and I know that's such a move an asshole would do. But...I haven't admitted this to anyone, not even you, Iwa. At the moment, I'm in a very shaky relationship with someone, and I can't betray her-"

"Oh, so that's what this is all about? Don't tell me you actually care about this 'girlfriend' of yours? What a joke. This is exactly why you get the nickname of a playboy, Shittykawa! Can't you open your big idiotic eyes and use that dumb brain of yours for once? You never loved that girl, not even once! I may not know her personally, but you're my best friend, and I've known you long enough to deduct that there's only one person in this shitty world that you love."