ℙℝ𝕆𝕁𝔼ℂ𝕋 𝕊𝔼𝕂𝔸𝕀 𝕆ℕ𝔼𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕋𝕊

ꕤ𝓐𝓴𝓲𝓽𝓸𝔂𝓪ꕤ

Type of Story: Angst/Light Smut

Word Count: 3000 (WOO HOO LETS GOO)

AU: None

TW: Abuse, implied thoughts of suicide

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Toya's POV:

It's been 3 weeks. 3 entire weeks since I had seen the man of my dreams. Vivid Bad Squad was taking a break from making songs so Akito could go on a vacation with his family. This also happened to cause Nightcord at 25:00 to take a break, with Ena being gone and all. I honestly have never been lonelier. He used to always keep me company. He saved me when my father was pressuring me. I realized I couldn't live without him. It didn't matter if we texted and video called every night, it just wouldn't feel right if he wasn't right beside me. I clawed at my skin some nights, being uncomfortable that he wasn't right next to me, protecting me. I fell into a bad depression for this, even though I'd had it most of my life. Life just felt so unreal to me.

I was currently lying in my bed wit my hand over my face. I don't remember the last time I ate. It was the morning, maybe around 8:00 am. I missed breakfast, but of course my father didn't care at all. He said I should be more responsible and I'll have to fend for myself one day. He doesn't comprehend what he says and how it affects me. I'm more of a failed test subject then anything to him. I thought about Akito. I knew he would want me to get up and care for myself. All I wanted to do was make him happy, so I guess this was a start. I got up off my bed and almost fell over, but caught myself by balancing and holding my arms out. I got ahold of my phone and walked downstairs.

When I walked downstairs, there was pure silence. My father was sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone. God knows what he was looking at. I straightened my vision and made my way to the kitchen. My footsteps were louder than I expected them to be, so my father heard them.

"Toya, you're finally up. You have 10 minutes to have breakfast and then you're practicing." My father demanded. I wasn't surprised in the slightest. I grabbed a coffee mug and made myself a cup. This is really all I would need. Although, a bit of something else wouldn't be so bad, would it? I reached for a box of cookies in the back of the pantry. I only needed one and I'd be fine. I finish my cup just as my dad yelled for me to enter my practice room. 

The next events I can only describe as hell. He had me play a piece that I hadn't played since I was 11. It was a fun one, but not when I had other things on my mind. He would slap my hands when I made a mistake and forced me to start over. I couldn't tell you how many times he slapped my hands onto the keys, or had to start over. My mind was in other places. Places I would never ever explain t my father.

I decided I would at least try to do well so I could escape. It didn't take as long as I thought it would to get it right. My father congratulated me as if he didn't make my hands as red as an apple. I stood and walked back up to my room. I completely collapsed onto my bed. I felt so relieved to finally not have to work my feet or hands. Not only was a pressing the keys as hard as I could, but my feet kept a steady beat on the pedals below. I decided I would be checking up on Akito. I picked up my phone and put it to my ear as soon as I pressed the call button.

Riiiiiiiing....riiiiiiiing...riiiiiiiiing...riiiiiiiiing

Each ring felt more agonizing then the last. Why wasn't he picking up? Maybe they were still in the car and had no signal. Maybe Ena or his parents had stolen his phone. Or maybe...he didn't want to talk to me at all. Did he even love me? Did being away from me so long really make him not love me anymore? Am I just annoying to him? I couldn't deal with the intrusive thoughts that went through my head. I turned to my side and started crying. I didn't want to feel like this anymore. I couldn't live without him. That's when I had an idea. I sat up and looked out the window in my bedroom. The tears stopped.