𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄 | bellamy blake²

❀ | chapter fifteen

015.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❃ ◦ ━━━━━━

     Both Bellamy and Maggie were known to sleepless nights, even weeks or months after what had happened at Mount Weather. However, just after, the girl pushed her emotions to the back burner for the man that she loved. 

     Neither of them were strangers to grief or guilt at that point. Both of them did a wonderfully-terrifying job at keeping such fierce feelings private.

     It was almost kinda concerning, really.

     Now naturally, everyone could kind of just—tell— that there was an off-ness in Gray. It was the little nuances, like how her eyes would flicker back and forth anxiously if Mount Weather was even brought up in a meeting. Or, when the Mount Weather stood vacant, and Arkadians who knew no better would ask her why they didn't utilize such a state-of-the-art facility.

     But she never broke down, nor seemed close. She couldn't really bring herself to cry about it anymore—everyone had their own problems, and Maggie didn't want to weigh people down with her own.

     Bellamy, on the other hand, often did. The liability plagued him to a ridiculous degree, and Magnolia wanted to do everything in her power to rid him of that animosity he held towards himself. That's why she didn't grieve— publicly, anyway. She didn't want Bellamy to deal with her problems when he was struggling to handle his own.

     It was ironic, really. Trying to fix all of the problems her boyfriend had, when in reality, she was just pushing aside those same vexing feelings about herself. And the worse part was the fact that Bellamy knew that all of this was happening. He could read her like a book. But, he didn't even know how to help himself— how could he help her?

     Sometimes, while she slept, Maggie's mind ran wild. Between distorted visions of the radiation burns that killed hundreds, to remembering the chilling feeling and sound of those assholes drilling into her hip, it wasn't a rare occasion to wake up in a cold sweat. 

      So one night, just like usual, her eyes snapped to the aluminum ceiling, ragged breaths and nervous murmurs fighting to be heard. Her first instinct was to usually make sure Bellamy hadn't waken up from her antics, but when she peered to her left that particular night, their eyes met one another. 

     Legs dangling off the side of the bed and body facing away from her, his eyes were now fixated on his beloved girlfriend, who had just woken up from a night terror. He had never seen this happen before, but little did he know it had become her new normal. 

     Voice groggy and heart rate finally slowing, she rubbed her boiling-hot temples, pushing back the baby hairs that clung to her clammy skin. "Fuck, Bell. I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm sorry," she apologized, and he could sense her genuine concern.

     "Hey, I was already up, you're okay," he countered, a soothingness in his tone,"You don't need to apologize, baby. You wanna talk about it?"

     Inching closer towards him, the girl sat on her knees behind him, wrapping her arms around Bellamy's bare torso from behind and resting her chin on his shoulder, "I'm okay," she assured, nodding to herself as if she were trying to convince herself that was actually true, "What's got you awake at this hour, Bell?" 

     "Do you remember Lovejoy and his son?" his head was fixated downwards as he nonchalantly spoke, and the questions led Maggie to squeeze him tighter.