Vodka on the rocks

Drabble 3.3 [Ft. Raghav Rao]

Raghav felt that he was going to be sick. He had had anxiety attacks before but never had his heart ached this hard that he felt his stomach revolt from within. The pain was making him feel disoriented, dizzy and dastardly ill. It felt like someone was mercilessly forcing his heart to pass through a one millimetre by one millimetre cylinder with full force. 

Pallavi was looking surreal in the dark red on red chikankari styled lehenga. Her hair arranged beautifully in a bun circled by roses leaving her swan like neck and sharp collarbones exposed. The nose ring dangled at the corner of her red lips teasingly and her eyes were made to look larger due to the thick swipe of the meticulously put kajal. 

She has had to be the most beautiful bride he has ever laid eyes on. 

It was in such sharp contrast with the day they had married, where she had donned a simple turmeric saree and no jewellery. Almost looking like she had come to her own funeral. The happiness beaming from her grey eyes had been the empty smoking cinders of ash. He had burnt down the fire in her soul ruthlessly and if heart break could amalgamate with such a bone crushing guilt then he would be formed at the moment. 

But now, she was luminous. Pulsating with the power of her love. 

Love for her to be husband. 

Mandar Deshmukh, who was standing smiling peacefully beside her, donning a brown sherwani to match his bride in front of the elaborately decked up mandap. 

Raghav forcefully tore his gaze away from Pallavi's sparkling visage feeling like he would simply wither away at the force of her brilliance and quickly slinked away from behind the other people gathered. Keerti gave him an inquisitive look from the opposite end and he mouthed an excuse of a call gesturing towards his mobile and hurried out. 

It had started to become unbearably suffocating inside. The night time chill of winter hit him square on his hot face and he was acutely aware of a fast ascending fever. 

The agony was making him delirious. 

It wasn't like Raghav was such a masochist that he would have agreed to attend Pallavi's re marriage to Mandar organized by the Deshmukhs in other circumstances but unfortunately for him, Sharda had used the ultimate trump card which every melodramatic Indian mothers have always used on their frustrated children at least once in their lifetimes. 

"Tu mujhe apna Aai sirf kehta hain ya manta bhi hain? Pallavi se shaadi nhi raha toh kya main tera Aai nhi raha ab? Haan?"

"Kaisa baat keh raha hain Aai. Of course maanta hain. Tum utna hi mera Aai hain jitna ke Amma.. phir kyun ye sab.."

"Phir tujhe promise karna hoga ki tu aayega shaadi mein. Main aur Vijayji chahte hain pura family aayein. Aur tum, Keerti aur Jayaji humarein family hain. Pallu bhi bohot zid kar rahi thi."

"Ye zaroor uss Sanki Budd.. I mean Marathi Father in.. sorry... mera matlab Pallavi ka Baba bola hoga tumse?"

Raghav had cribbed knowing fully well, no one was enjoying his plight more than Vijay Deshmukh. In all probability the cunning old man knew very well what he felt for his daughter and had danced on the opportunity to make Raghav feel miserable, knowing that everyone else including his poor former mother in law was completely oblivious to that particular information. 

Sharda had given him a look. 

"Haan.. unhone bhi insist kiya hain. Par idea hum sabka tha.."

"Oh ho! Toh sab milke mera band bajana chahta hain. Family effort hain, I am impressed."

"Raghav!"

"Sorry Aai.. mazak kar raha hain. Main.. theek hain... aap itna request kar raha hain to.. aayega main."

"Request nhi kar rahi. Order kar rahi hun. Aai hun tumhari, karsakti hun."

Sharda had left satisfied not noticing the ashen pallor Raghav's handsome face had taken. Jaya, Keerti and Farhad had tried dissuading him from attending but he couldn't have ignored Sharda's request even if it was like being subjected to a daily dose of slow torture. 

Maybe this was his actual reckoning for the crimes he had committed against Pallavi. 

To see her being the happiest he had ever seen her, in the company of someone else. 

Raghav thought he should be given a medal for the sheer amount of self restraint he has shown throughout the week. Seeing the woman who will always be the sole proprietor of his heart touching Mandar, laughing with him, enjoying the festivities was extremely painful. He had to stand at the side lines pretending to smile while all he wanted to do was to break that fool's teeth. 

He had almost lost his composure during the Sangeet night and had practically fled for the lack of a better word, before he could lose his shit and beat Mandar to a pulp for touching Pallavi while they danced and sand together. 

Singing to each other was their thing.. 

At least it had been their thing once. 

He had remembered that karaoke night where he had to sing to appease his furious wife. That seemed like a lifetime ago. The Universe seemed to be enjoying this ironic cruelty on him way too much. His mother had come up to the mansion behind him unnoticed. Jaya had sat with him and had taken his hands slowly in hers. 

"Emaindi kanna? Aisa chala aaya tum bhaagke.. sab puch raha tha.. kya hua? Tabiyat theek hain na? Office ka kaam tha?"

Raghav had just given her a half smile trying to appear nonchalant and reassuring. 

"Kuch nhi Amma... just thoda sa ajeeb lag raha tha aur function bhi khatam hone ko tha toh isliya aa gaya.."

Jaya had suddenly seen her five year old instead of the twenty seven that he was. Her eldest son Raghav, as a toddler, who had been trying so bravely to hold in his tears while his mother had bandaged the abrasion on his knees which had occurred when he had fallen while playing.

 Always, holding in his agony... refusing to let anyone bear witness to that pain. 

Jaya had hated herself with such a frenzied ardour at the moment. For leaving her poor son alone for years to battle with his aches and pains so much so that now he couldn't even bear to let his own mother see through his mask, to share in his agony. 

Jaya had hugged him tightly, showering his pale face with kisses, letting him bury his grief in her saree instead. 

Raghav had decided to leave the country. He would hardly be able to stay so near to Pallavi and yet stay apart from her. Hyderabad had started to feel like a prison nowadays. He had convinced his mother. She would stay with Keerti under Farhad's protection while he would shift to the States. 

"I don't trust myself anymore Amma. Maybe if I stay far enough then the distance might heal. Maybe one day I might even be able to move on. But it definitely won't happen if I stay within her vicinity."

His mind was made. He would attend all of Pallavi's wedding functions, the final ceremony, congratulate her with whatever was left of the scrambled remains of his heart and then turn tail and run like a coward, as far as his feet could take him. 

"This is for the best. This is for the best. This is for the best..."

Raghav was chanting under his breath swallowing the nausea back in his jumping stomach while letting the chilly February air burn his overheated insides frostily. The tears had mercifully blotted in his eyes without spilling off his cheeks like traitorous bastards. 

Then a voice spoke so close to his ear from behind him that he almost jumped six feet in the air in fright. 

"For God's sake Rao! Hadd hain yaar!"