Vodka on the rocks

Part - 7 | Paralyzed

When did I become so numb?
When did I lose myself?
All the words that leave my tongue
Feel like they came from someone else

When did I become so cold?

When did I become ashamed? 

Where's the person that I know?
They must have left
They must have left
With all my faith

I'm paralyzed

Where are my feelings?
I no longer feel things
I know I should
I'm paralyzed
Where is the real me?
I'm lost and it kills me
Inside
I'm paralyzed

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Pallavi and Farhad were walking side by side, almost sharing the same pall of gloom and shock as they reached Raghav's chamber. The Doctor hadn't elaborated on who was the new proxy nor did he offer any details on his own. Pallavi didn't anticipate that Raghav might have changed his medical proxy, though in hindsight it was the practical thing to do. 

They were divorced. 

Farhad had resigned.

Jaya and Keerti wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

Then what would he have done. 

But it didn't change the fact that human emotions were unreasonable and chaotic. 

So it didn't change the fact that it had stung her. 

And by the pallid look on Farhad's face she knew it had hurt him too. 

But more than hurt she was sure both of them were far more disappointed with themselves. Making someone their medical proxy is literally giving that person a string of your life. They have the power to take an executive decision regarding your life if you remain unavailable medically. It is the ultimate trust that anyone can bestow upon another. 

Removing them from his medical proxy list felt like a backhanded slap. Like he was declaring that he no longer trusted them to take the right decision when it came to the matter of his life and death. 

What have they done....

Farhad stopped when they reached the door and Pallavi put a hand on it to push it open, her body trembling involuntarily. She gave him an inquisitive look when Farhad stepped away from the door. 

"I.. y..you go in Bha... Pallavi. I.. don't think I can see him like this. I don't think I can face him after.. after.."

Farhad swallowed what seemed like a rock in his throat and Pallavi felt tears spring to her eyes yet again. The pain she is going through, the sheer agony taking every breath had become, lost in the nightmare she couldn't seem to be able to come out of, Pallavi had completely forgotten that her friend, her brother in all but blood, he must be going through something equivalent if not worse. 

She had been witness to Farhad's loyalty, his uncomplicated yet fierce love for her husband. He had been Raghav's shadow in the truest meaning of that literal. 

How must it feel to see someone you have sworn to protect, broken beyond repair. 

She kept a steady hand on his shoulder, hoping to alleviate Farhad off the guilt he is injecting upon himself knowing that it was a fruitless effort. 

"Farhad... please. I need you to be strong. I need you to be able to hold me when I inevitably break. Please..I need you and.. Raghav needs you too..please hold yourself."

Farhad looked down hiding his tears and she swiftly blotted hers before taking in a long breath and pushing the heavy crushed glass and wooden doors open only to get shocked again.