Open House: For Sale

Confused

Carlos' P.O.V

After leaving Penny's apartment, I take a cab to go pick my car up, since we came with hers, and then I go to the one person that has never judged me...

"Carlos! What's wrong?" Hannah asks when she opens the door and sees me

"What? Just because my eyes are red that means that something's wrong?"

"Always covering pain with sarcasm... Come in" she says sighing and when I step into the house, she closes the door and hugs me

"I lost her, Hannah... I waited too long and I lost her" I say, hugging her tight

"Why don't we just sit down so u can tell me what happened, huh?"

"Yeah, ok..." I say and pull away, wiping the tears that just started to fall

~~~

"My God, Carlos, what have u done? U offered to marry her so she can get a good interest rate?" she asks after I tell her all about the past few days

"I know it's stupid, but she deserves the best! I would buy it for her if she let me. Hell, I'd buy her a bigger one!"

"U can't go around buying houses for people!"

"U know I don't do it for anyone, Hannah... It's my love language!"

"Do I need to remind u that u're in a serious relationship?"

"I know, I know and I hate doing that to him. I know he said that we can both see other people if we disclose it to one another, but it was supposed to be a one-night-stand, which I told him about, but then..."

"Then u spent enough time with her to see that she's, in fact, worth every minute of your time..."

"Couldn't have said it better myself" I say scoffing

"How unfortunate, though... I mean, she went for a break, found an old friend, he called her about an hour later, just when u were about to tell her how u feel"

"That's my luck. Can I have a drink?"

"It's noon, Carlos"

"Like it matters... How am I gonna face her from now on?"

"Well, u made your bed, u lay in it. She gave u a chance. She clearly wants u too"

"I can't do that to her, Hannah, I'll only hurt her"

"Carlos, I've never seen u cry over someone else..."

"Oh, come on, this is real life. This isn't the moment one of the protagonists in a movie finds out that he has never loved anyone before. Especially because I actually love Matteo. U know me, I'm a loner, I'd prefer being alone than with someone I don't love"

"Then why are u cheating on him? And don't tell me it's because he's not a woman. U were fine without being with a woman before her"

"Well, maybe I didn't know I missed being with a woman before having sex with Penny... "

"What made u approach her on the first place?"

"I don't know... I just saw a lost girl get in the bar, then I watched her battling with her demons while taking down neat scotch like water and lighting cigarettes even before the previous one was out. I just wanted to make her forget her problems for a night, fucking her brains out... "

"Come on, Carlos... U see lost girls in bars all the time. Why pick her?"

"I don't know, ok? Why does anyone pick anyone? Maybe because she had an ass built for backshots, but a face made for missionary"

"And I thought bisexuals and gays don't objectify women..." she says jokingly

"U wouldn't be my friend for 20 years if I was objectifying women"

"That's true. Anyway. We both know that u're just trying to suppress what u feel, in order to protect yourself from getting hurt, but I think that u should live it. U should experience that heartbreak even for once"

"I have experienced heartbreak, Hannah; I know how it hurts not to have who u want. That's why I don't want to experience it again. But this time, I just can't push it down. I broke down in tears the moment I closed her door behind me. Me! U said it yourself, u've never seen me cry over anyone else. What's wrong with me? Am I too old to control myself? I mean, I pinned her to the door and told her that I need her more than she thinks the other day, I made love to her on Saturday night... Hell, I've dropped all my guards without even knowing it! "

"Carlos... I think u found the love of your life"

"No! Matteo is the love of my life! God, Matteo...how could I do something like that to him? He has been my everything for 4 years!"

"Can I laugh at the irony that u're a bisexual male who's torn between a male and a female?"

"Yeah, I know, I'm confirming the stereotype that bisexuals are confused and can't decide what to be" I say, putting my head in my hands

"Well, kinda..." she says, stroking my back

"Not for long though; *lifts head up* This ends now. What happened, happened, I was too late and I have to suck it up and move on. I won't make her feel bad for me or for going on a date"

"What if it doesn't work out with the other guy?"

"That's not something I can control. Things don't work all the time. I can only give her the opportunity to try and see. Do I hope she runs back to me? Of course. But she was never mine to begin with and I have no right to deprive her of the feeling of a new relationship. I just hope he's worth it..."

"She's gonna hate u for not fighting for her..."

"Well, that's better than hating me for letting her down...I can live with her being happy with someone else, but I can't live with her crying because of me, and I already saw her crying once"

"My God, Carlos, I don't know if u're being selfish or selfless..."

"In both scenarios I'm losing, so it doesn't matter... I hope Matteo comes after I have laid in bed so I can pretend I'm asleep and prevent him from seeing me like that *chuckles* God, I'd love to go home and hug him right now"

"Jesus, u are confused... I don't wanna know what's happening in that head of yours!"

"I hear u, sis! It's exhausting being me sometimes..."

"Not as exhausting being your friend is"

"Yeah yeah, whine as much as u want, u love me and can't think of your life without me"

"What can I a say? I'm a sucker for your dramas..." she says and wraps her arm around my shoulders, bringing me close to her.