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"CAN I THINK on it?" I inquired. He nodded his head in agreement. "It's your turn still." I reminded him. "I ain't never been in on a joy ride." He said. Obviously he was better at thinking up questions then I was, I'll give him that. I took another sip from the container. After he asked if I wanted him to be my first kiss the atmosphere of the room shifted.
"Never have I ever been to prison." I say. "Well not as a prisoner." I thought I had a good one but he didn't drink. Even if it was just for a small crime most people I knew have been to jail once or twice. "Is that what you think of me?" He asked in a grim tone.
"No, not at all, I just though you may have been in for a small crime of shop lifting or something." By the rules of the game I took a sip from my cup. He didn't look happy about my assumption of him. Suddenly, he stood up. "This was a stupid idea." He said. Not fully understanding why he was so aggravated by a simple question but soon after I concluded that the game was over.
I downed the rest of the booze that was left in the bottle and wiped the remainder off my lips. I guess I shouldn't have asked that, but who was I to know he would take offense to such an innocent question. We at in silence for a few minutes, he got comfortable on the worn out couch and I took a seat at the very end. Awkward was one way to word it, but the tension in the room was thick.
"I'm sorry." I say. I wasn't one for apologies but I felt it was needed. For the few minutes that the game lasted I actually was enjoying myself. First time in a long time that I felt like everything was back to normal, before this whole apocalypse started. It was like a reminder of my old self through the game. I had to look back at my last self to remember who I was before all this.
"That day back at the governors torture house, why'd you come back?" He asked out of the blue. "Oh come on, do I really need to spell it out for you? It's because I care about you." I answered truthfully. If I had left him alone to die I would never stop blaming myself for his death.
Why I had these sorts of feelings for a guy like him, I wasn't to sure. They just showed up one day and I can't get rid of them no matter how hard I try. "You make me feel...." I said in a hushed voice. "You make me feel, and I hate it." His sky blue eyes watched me intently. I was never one to talk about my emotions so freely, but I needed to get this off my chest before it drove me to the point of insanity.
People back in the old world used to tell me the first step to deal with emotions was to admit that you have them. "I like you, and it's killing me." I say weakly. My voice was baring audible with a tint of shame lingering over my words. I felt like my emotions were something I needed to repress, to let them out freely like this made me feel like I was committing an act of treason against myself.
It would be better if I didn't feel this way. I wish I knew where it all started so I could go back and prevent it. But apart of me knew that these feelings for him have been there since the very beginning. "Hope you don't expect me to reciprocate." He said glumly. I felt ashamed to have admitted it to him even if it was just the beer talking.
"Forget it." I replied. "Let's just pretend I didn't say anything." Sadness struck me like an arrow piercing though my heart. What was I expecting from him? I didn't really think he would reciprocate my feelings and we would live happy ever after, did I? What the hell was I thinking anymore, I guess I am going insane after all. "Why'd you ask to be my first kiss?" I inquired.
He hummed out the words I don't know and expected me to just drop it. "You said I could think about it, right?" I asked. He chuckled softly at my question, probably from the alcohol. "I'm not gonna stop you." He replied, leaned back on the couch with his hands resting above his head. I wasn't sure how to approach this. Do I just go for it?
Maybe this was a test and he was joking around? I sat there for a moment, unsure of what to do. This maybe my last day on earth and I would never be able to share a kiss someone. When I get deep into thought I tend to shut out the outside world. So much so that I didn't even hear him move. Fuck it.
That was the last thing I thought before my mind went totally blank. His rough hand trailed underneath my chin, lifting it up slightly. Our lips touched gently with one another's and I could feel my stomach turn into a knot. Butterflies flapped there little wings around the inside of my stomach making this uncomfortable feeling arise.
The kiss had only lasted a second before I pulled away from him. Forcing my thoughts to obey was harder then I first assumed. They were all over the place, I couldn't collect enough words to string a sentence together. I wanted to be mad at him, but what would I be angry about? He just did with we both were thinking, nothing less.
My eyes locked with his and it was like he could see straight through me. A small grin crept on his lips, telling me I did something wrong. I didn't hate that feeling of his lips on mine. It was scary, now that I had a taste I wouldn't be able to get enough. "What?" I asked, feeling my face burning like I was sitting in front of a open flame.
"Is that all? I would hardly call that a kiss." Before I could even ask what he meant, his lips brush up against mine for a second time. Unsure of what the hell I was supposed to do I followed his lead. Letting our lips stay connected for awhile longer. It was an intoxicating feeling, even more so then the strongest alcohol this world had to offer.
It didn't take long for me to melt into the kiss. I'd follow him to the end of the world if only he'd let me. Staying by his side for the rest of eternity seemed like a distant dream just waiting to become reality. It may just be the booze, compelling us both to long for the touch of one another. But I couldn't help but think there was more to it.
Maybe he had the same feelings about me as I did him. This thought lingered for a little while longer before getting sucked out of my brain. He made the questions I asked myself feel pointless, since he could make my brain fog up with something as simple as a kiss. The kiss began to heat up as he pushed forwards.
And for some reason I allowed it, not try to stop him in anyway. I just laid back and watch as he took control of my body. I could taste the alcohol still lingering on his lips. Whenever alcohol is involved someone is bound to do something they would end up regretting in the long run. If this was a mistake I was glad I wouldn't be making it alone. How dangerous, to finally have someone worth losing.
