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DEAD HEART, why him? I asked myself. He wanted nothing more to do with me, and he made that perfectly clear. But for some reason, I couldn't get shake these pitiful feelings. I caught myself staring at him more than a couple times on our way to Terminus. My heart aches because of him.
I attempted to deny my emotions, saying that there was nothing to like about him. But in the end, I'd always find something for my mind to fawn over. The whole day was utter torture, standing so close to him but feeling so far away. I wanted to stuff all my emotions into a box and toss it out into a river. I wanted to forget about everything that happened last night.
The shack, the beer, the kiss. I wanted all of it to just be a bad dream. There was no rewriting the past. What was done was done, and I would have to live knowing that I single handedly ruined everything there once was between us. No longer could we hold each other in our embrace without it being weird.
All of that which I once had going for me was gone and wasn't ever coming back. Rick, Michonne, and Carl straggled slowly behind us. The young boy and Michonne were playing some type of balancing game on the tracks as Rick watched. After everything that happened, it must have been nice for him to see a smile on his son's face. I wish I could say the same.
"I don't want it to be like this between us," I say. Not loud enough that the others could hear it. I just wanted everything to go back to how it was. "We can go back, pretend nothing happened." Imaged of the night flooded through my mind. Totally forgetting wasn't an option, but pretending was.
"I was drunk and didn't know what I was saying," I say, hoping to at least get him to talk to me. This was a mistake that I couldn't fix, but I can try to patch the holes in my misdeed. "Was everything you told me a lie?" No. None of it was. My heart cried out. If we were going to walk side by side again I had to push my emotions back.
"Yeah, stupid right?" I lied through my teeth. It pained me to do, but if this meant nothing would be weird between us, then it was something that had to be done. If he believed me or not he didn't show it. Continued forwards like my words meant nothing. Everything he did for me and he was just going to throw that all away because of a slip up.
"We cool now?" I asked, wishing that he would at least pretend to forget. "Peachy." He spoke up. There was a fork in the tracks. One led farther into the forest and the other continued forwards. We took this as a sign to stop before the evening got any darker.
The group settled on a spot that was surrounded by wilderness. The sun retreated behind a line of trees off in the distance, casting a shadow over the once bright sky. The nice bed was gone and I was back to sleeping with my back resting against a tree. I took the first watch so that everyone could get some shut eye.
But given the circumstances, everyone would be sleeping with one eye open if they got any sleep at all. Being out in the open like this was risky but we were so close to reaching our final destination. And with any luck, it would be our last venture. This place would keep us safe, we wouldn't need to fight anymore.
At this point, it sounded too good to be true. Not a day has gone by where I wasn't fearing for my safety. Whether that be in the walls of Woodbury or at the prison I had never once felt completely safe. This may be the place where I can finally let my guard down. Where I can live out my life how it was supposed to be lived.
My eyes drooped for a split second before I heard the snapping of a twig. Before my body had a chance to react there was a hand over my mouth shut. "Shh." A voice whispered. It was a man's voice, one that I hadn't recognized. As I went to reach for my knife I could feel the bitter coldness of metal pressing against my temple.
I stopped my movements. My breathing was shallow as I tried to come up with a plan. Whoever this guy was he didn't know who he was messing with. I could see a few more shadowy figures tiptoeing through the crunching leaves. They were heading right for the others. As much as I wanted to call out, or alert them of the incoming danger my hands were tied.
I watched in horror as the other three were rudely awakened. The last man was in charge of getting Daryl whilst he was fast asleep. He had been resting against a tree not too far away from the group but the exact place was unknown. My eyes scanned around for any sign of him, but through the darkness, there wasn't much I could see. "He ain't here!" The enemy shouted.
