Be Well, My Darling (Fruk)

20

"I'm glad everything worked out. I was worried he would punch the daylights out of you."

"Oh please, I can take care of myself!"

"Ehhh? So you say, but I would rather avoid physical conflicts..."

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! I know! Bugger off already!"

Francis and I were staying at a cheap hotel in the town. Francis and I were sleeping in separate beds, obviously. We had come in secret, so naturally, we did not have many people asking questions. I especially did not want any suspicion to arise from us being here. "I am going to bed already; goodnight," I spoke. I used the blanket to cover my face and turned my body away from him.

"Hey..."

"I am trying to sleep..."

"Well, stop sleeping!"

My body turned to him, annoyed, and I saw how close he was. I could assume he walked over to me as I covered myself. "What do you want? I am trying to sleep," I spoke. As I looked at him, he did the same. Some time had passed since I made that odd discovery of myself, but naturally, I refused to act on it in any way. I believe that with time, my feelings will go away. I believe this war may have caught me in my emotions, and I feel a bit silly for thinking I felt this way. There was no way for me to have feelings like that for him. That feeling was only designated for humans, not for people like us.

"Can I sleep with you?" he asked.

My eyes widened at what he said, and I covered my face. "Do I need to answer that? You have your bed. Plus, I don't have room for you. Also, I hate you," I spoke. I do admit that I laughed at the last part I told him. "Liar! There is room!" He yelled. He began to pull the blanket off me aggressively, but I held a grip so he wouldn't.

"FUCK OFF, FRANCIS! You have your own bed!"

"WELL, I WANT YOURS!"

"BULLSHIT!"

Francis did one swift pull, lifting the blanket over his head. My eyes widened as I stared at him, and he took this moment to jump into the bed with me. As he did, he landed on my arms. "Get off me! You are so fat!" I yelled. I pulled my arm away from him and turned around. However, he began to hold me from behind. "What do you want? You are in my personal space...AGAIN!"

"Do you mean OUR personal space?"

"NO!"

I shoved him away, but it only made him hold me tighter. "Why must you be so hostile? We are friends, right? This is what friends do!" he whined. I was still thrashing around, but he used the blanket to wrap me with, holding me still. "Easy boy, Easssssy...." he spoke condescendingly. I groaned in response. He was treating me as if I were an untamed horse.

His arms were warm as he held me...and for some reason, I felt sad.

I stopped moving around, finally. Only to let him hold me. We were silent, and I knew deep down I would be unable to break the silence unless he did first. "You are so small...I miss being this close to you...I was a fool to do anything else," he spoke. I closed my eyes, breathing out. I could not say anything against it.

That day I realized I had feelings for him because I only knew I was starting to fall in love with him. I am not an idiot! It was confusing at first, but I know how I feel. However, how I feel is wrong...and sinful. Men were not supposed to feel that way for each other; it is what my church and religion have always told me. It is what I was constantly telling myself throughout the centuries.

"Francis?..."

"Hmmm?"

"Do you like me?... The person I have become. Am I a good person? One who is at least worth loving?" I asked. It was the only thing I truly wanted to know. Maybe if he liked me a little...in a friendly way, and I mean that truly, maybe it would be enough for me to ignore how I feel. I could bury these feelings deep down in my soul for the end of time.

Because, despite the apparent fact that us being men, we were not made to love.

Francis, without hesitating, flipped me around to look at him. It caused me to get more entangled in the blanket, staring at him in disbelief. His face was red, and he looked serious. Moments like this felt intimate and safe. "You are insane to think anything but. You are well deserved of love, and anyone who tells you otherwise is spitful. We may have had our differences in the past, but times have changed. What is normal now was not normal back then. Maybe as the years pass, things will be different, but for now, appreciate it as it is," he whispered.

Francis placed his hands on my cheeks, caressing my face softly. "If no one gives you the love you deserve, then I will..." He spoke. My eyes widened at what he said, and I back away slightly. "What?" I asked. Was that...what I think it was? Did he say that, or is my mind playing games on me?

"OH! I MEAN AS FRIENDS! OBVIOUSLY!"

He began to shake me back and forth as if trying to get it out of my head that he might have confessed some sort of feelings toward me. "OKAY! I GET IT! STOP SHAKING ME!" I yelled. He continued shaking me against the bed, and I started to get dizzy. I thought it was a confession for a second, but if he said it was not, I would not fight against it. I know he would never see me that way.

"STOP!"

"NOT UNTIL YOU SAY THAT YOU KNOW I MEANT IT AS A FRIEND!"

"WHY? IT DOES NOT MATTER!"

"SAY IT!"

"NO! GET OFF!"

"SAY IT!"

He began to shake me more, and I was giving in. "FINE! You did not mean it that way; back off!" I shouted. I finally shoved him, causing him to fall on the floor. He looked at me, shocked I had pushed him. I laughed at how he looked, soon grabbing the covers. "Go to bed; we have a long day ahead of us," I spoke. I could hear him groaning as I said that, but he did not try and get back into bed with me. I had pulled the covers over my head, hearing him go back to his bed. "Fine, we will continue this another day, maybe," he laughed.

What an idiot.

Then again...after all the things we had done together, both intimate and hostile...I suppose I was also an idiot.