Be Well, My Darling (Fruk)

Chapter 8: Blue Moon

May 1940

A few weeks passed, and Francis went from calling every day to suddenly not calling. I assume he was only busy, but it worries the hell out of me. How were we supposed to stay close if he did not tell me everything that was happening to him? I wasn't obsessed, only worrie-

!BANG!

The doors suddenly busted open, startling me. It was one of my officials. "Jesus, you startled me. What could be so important that you don't knock?" I asked. He looked at me worried, and then more people came in. "What is going on?" I asked.

"Mr. England! I'm so sorry you had to find out this way, but we had tried to get ahold of you, and nothing was reaching you!" My eyes widened upon seeing Ms. Monaco. She was basically a little sister to Francis. He cared about her so much. "What's going on? Has something happened to Mr. France?" I asked.

Everyone stayed silent, and she looked at me with a solemn expression. "You must come with me, and we can discuss things. Please, how fast can you get your Commonwealth to join us?"

"What? What is going on? Tell me now! Where is Mr. France?"

"Mr. England...please...I am a neutral country. I can't get involved, but you need to come with me now so I can tell you everything you need to know..."

I felt horrified. My head was dizzy, and I turned away from her. I looked out this window, only hearing silence instead of an answer. "I won't do anything till you tell me where he is..."

"Germany... has invaded Mr. France. I received news this morning. The country is in a state of emergency as we speak," she spoke. Something about the way she delivered the news made me feel worse. I could feel every bone in my body ache, every nerve tense up, every organ...cry... my heart ached so much. Even now, I can't put into words how much the news hurt me. She didn't tell much of him, but I knew. I knew the answer to every question I wanted to ask her.

My mind had become blank as I struggled to say something. Everyone looked at me, shocked at my sudden change in composure. No one had ever seen me look so vulnerable. The only person who had was Francis. He had seen every emotion possible.

I had shown him many emotions and refused him a single one. However, the pain I felt upon hearing the news made me realize that I loved him. I still loved him, no matter how often I tried to ignore it. However, it only made the aching feeling worse. No words could explain the anguish I was feeling.

"Well? Where is he?" I asked.

I looked at her seriously, and she shook her head. "Mr. Germany...has started to take the nations physically...so they wouldn't try fighting against him. Mr. France is most likely close to Germany...in other words...we don't know where he is..." she spoke. My throat choked up, and I looked at her seriously. Her eyes were red as if trying not to cry. And me? Well, I was alone...my other half was missing.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. I was fighting back the emotions that wanted to come out. "You don't know where he is?" I asked. "No...I'm—I'm so sorry. Truly...I don't know what to do..." she cried. Tears began falling down her cheeks as she looked at me. Her expression bore sadness as if she were asking me for forgiveness. "So...he is just gone?" I asked.

Why did it have to take a tragedy for me to realize my feelings were still there? Constantly there. I couldn't escape them, because I liked them. And now...I can't even tell Francis what an idiot I was for always pushing him away.

Why did I have to push him away? And now...if he dies...I will never see him again. I'd have to live the rest of eternity without him. Without telling him how I felt. I'd rather die and be tortured than live this way. I can't fathom my emotions right now. It felt as if my heart was killing me, stabbing me constantly in different places.

My heart was beginning to race, and soon my breathing. I was alone. He wasn't here. What was I supposed to do? "Please...someone call for Mr. Canada and Mr. America...and my brothers...please...call someone..." I spoke. Monaco looked at me, not knowing what to say.

"Mr. England?—"

"Monaco...I would like to be alone right now, please...my advisors will be outside, and you can give them all the details. However, I need to be alone," I spoke.

"But—"

"Please!....please...just leave me be for a moment..." I spoke. She nodded at me softly and began pushing everyone out of the room.

When the doors shut, my legs finally gave out. I felt like a child as I began to cry. It had been so long since I cried like this. The last time I cried like this... was when I wanted to stay with Francis before finding out who he was. I begged my brothers to stay with him, but they wouldn't let me.

My anguish was too much to bare. Too much that I began to hold myself. I don't think I could talk to anyone right now. I know I called for Alfred and Matthew, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to talk to them. In fact, I don't think I wanted to talk to anyone. I wanted only Francis.

I didn't want to talk to anyone else but him. I began to crawl under my desk, staying silent quietly. My tears had stopped falling, and I was soon in shock. I couldn't believe any of this was happening. He was probably locked away somewhere in France. Unless he wasn't...

Then...

Then, I wouldn't know what to do.

Who am I kidding? I don't know what to do now. I felt at fault somehow. Maybe if I had been there, I could have helped. I could have sent more troops; I could have done something. Now, it was too late to prevent what had happened. I am trapped in my own misery. Trapped in the thought of never seeing him again, and I didn't know what else to do but cry.

Cry or be angry?

Anything could have been better than existing. I wish I could kill myself by jumping out of my window. I wouldn't be able to live without him. I physically could, yes. But, mentally...I would have no reason to want to live the rest of my terrible existence out. I was weak because I still loved him.

And now, it hurts.

It hurts so much.