Be Well, My Darling (Fruk)

Chapter 14: Casablanca

"You must remember this
A kiss is just a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by
And when two lovers woo
They still say, "I love you"
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by"

My heart ached. It wasn't fair; none of this was. I watched this dumb movie alone and felt sad. I was wishing my entire life could have been different.

"Moonlight and love songs
Never out of date
Hearts full of passion
Jealousy and hate
Woman needs man, and man must have his mate
That no one can deny
It's still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do-or-die
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by"

I could think of every instance in the past where I shared my entire being with Francis, and the memory wasn't enough right now. I had told myself once that the memory alone of him would keep me sane, but the longer I was without him, it wasn't. It was time for me to move on from my feelings. It was time for me to worry about him as a friend and stop having my feelings interfere with what I needed to do.

"Moonlight and love songs
Never out of date
Hearts full of passion
Jealousy and hate
Woman needs man, and man must have his mate
That no one can deny
It's still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do-or-die
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by."

I don't think that dreaming and thinking of him was useful anymore. I felt empty without him. Now, as I watch this stupid movie, I can only pretend he was beside me like I dreamed about.  I watched the movie alone, holding myself. It mentioned France, places there, and other things that I remember. If Francis was around, I wondered if he had seen this American film. These American Films are why people have begun to romanticize this war stupidly.

There was nothing romantic about this war. People were dying and losing their loved ones. There was nothing romantic about it. I sniffed back some of the tears and wiped my eyes. This sucks...

I missed him...

I didn't realize how much time we had spent with each other before this. Now, I was alone; and it had hit me...Yes...alone again, naturally. I wanted to scream and cry, and I especially wanted to punch those axis members across the face.

"Arthur?... Are you watching the movie again? I thought you said you hated it."

I tilted my head, still watching the movie. Matthew came beside me and sat. "It reminds me of him...strangely enough..." I spoke. I felt him place a hand on mine, and I began to cry silently. "It's okay to be honest with yourself and say that you miss him....you know I would never judge you for having feelings; it is normal. We all get sad too. We may not exactly be human, but we have feelings..."

"Matthew...it is more complicated than that..."

"Hmmm? How so?..."

"Well...do you remember when you and Alfred were younger, how the two of you call us mom and dad?"

"Ah! Hahah...yeah... at the time, it really felt as if you both were our parents!" He giggled. His smile was small, but he looked happy thinking of our past.

"I know...and it felt that way for us too..., especially for me...it is because..." I hope I don't regret this.

"Because... I'm in love with him. This is the first time I've ever said this out loud, but it is true. I am in love with him! I am in love with Francis! I have always loved him, whether or not I tried to deny it! My feelings are still there, and I'm unsure when they will leave..."

"What?!"

I turned my head to him slowly, smiling. "Child, we live in unaccepting times, and saying this aloud is sinful and against everything I have ever known, but I can't help it. I'm in love with him! Body and soul! He and I are entangled, as I'd like to think..."

"Seriously? You have those types of feelings for him? Truly?... I mean...your feelings don't bother me since I have seen a few nations act that way before...but it's with him! I never knew whether the two of you actually hated each other or not, so this is a bit mind-blowing!"

"Haha...I know...but there is more to our relationship than the fighting. We have cared for each other in many ways, and I am in love with him. Sometimes I'd love to slap him, but it is purely from my sincere adoration toward him..." I smiled. I continued watching the movie, and he stayed silent momentarily. He began to squeeze my hand, and I could sense his smile.

"Please don't tell anyone else...I think I might have said this as a moment of vulnerability. I'm not ready for people to judge me for my feelings. Not now anyway...especially since I am still working them out," I whispered. I could hear him chuckle a bit in response. He was a good kid; I, at least, raised him right.

Alfred came out a bit unhinged...but he is still my kid.

"Your secret is safe with me. I will take it to the grave," he whispered. He didn't have to take it to his grave, but I appreciate how sincere he was about it. "Will you tell him one day? I think it could be possible he might feel the same..."

"Absolutely not..." I smiled.

He looked at me, shocked, and I nodded in response. "I, too, will take this secret to the grave. People like us aren't meant to be happy and share a love the way humans do, and I'm okay with that. I believe that one day my feelings will go away on their own; it takes time."

"And if he did...and he confessed to you first?"

"Unlikely...if he absolutely felt the same as I did, I'm sure he wouldn't tell me because he knows I would reject him. I'm sure he knows what my answer would be. We shared affection toward each other in the past, but we didn't understand it. I know now the likelihood of him feeling the same is high, but he'd never give in," I spoke.

"Oh? Interesting way of thinking about it," Matthew smiled. I held his hand back, and he continued to watch the movie with me. I knew I would get the closure I needed to move on. The closure was to see him once again. I am sure that if that happened, I would allow myself to move on. "I know...Thank you for listening to me...I am sorry this was sudden..." I whispered. He began to watch the movie with me, shaking his head. "Of course..."