Jennie
Something had changed. And I was too afraid of acknowledging it, to even mention it to Chahee and Jimin. A shift had occurred between Lisa and I. I hadn't noticed it until the night we'd gone to the club and what happened afterwards. The way she'd looked at me, almost reverent. How gentle she'd been even in the midst of sex. And the way she looked at me now. Every time I walked by her, every time our arms brushed when I reached across her or our legs touched when we sat beside one another, she would smile and gaze into my eyes like that accidental touch was the only thing in her life that she needed to keep going.
I felt it too, the shift. Maybe that was why it scared me so much. I found myself watching her now. Even when she was only eating a muffin or scrolling through emails. Everything she did seemed to fascinate me. Like Lisa reading an email is hotter than anyone I'd ever seen read an email. But how ridiculous was that to even think?
Chahee and Jimin stayed the remainder of the weekend. We had gone to the club on Friday so we all hung around the house, mainly in the pool, on Saturday. Then, Sunday afternoon, Lisa and I took them to the airport and waved goodbye. After that, she had work to do. She locked herself in her home office for a few hours while I busied myself with catching up on my own emails. I hadn't checked in much with work and it was discouraging to see how little I was needed. Don't get me wrong. I was happy that they were able to handle everything without me but I'd been here over a week and the only time I'd interacted with anyone from work was the phone call in LAX where Hyun-suk had told me that he hated my cheeseburger joke.
I collapsed onto the bed with a sigh. Serious career women did not spend their days making up jokes about ground beef. I fell asleep while Lisa was still in her office and stayed asleep until after she left the next morning. When I finally woke up, I padded through the halls in one of Lisa's dress shirts until I came upon Nan and the omelette she was making me. I thanked her profusely and ate, sipping my orange juice and considering my options for the day. By the time I had finished eating, I'd decided. I had put off visiting my mother long enough. Today was the day.
After breakfast, I changed into some jeans and a modest black v neck. I slipped on my Birkenstocks and pulled my hair up into a high ponytail, creating a headband with a white and black bandana. Then I left the house. Kevin was off in the city, waiting for Lisa to finish work, or maybe he was home. I wasn't sure what he did during the days. Nonetheless, I hadn't told him I'd be needing him, so he hadn't hung around to see if I would.
Instead, I walked all the way to Lisa's high security gate and called myself an Uber. One of her neighbours passed by, walking their miniature poodle, while I was waiting and stared at me like I was doing the walk of shame. I looked down at my outfit and where I was coming from and sighed when I realised that was exactly what this looked like.
Luckily, my Uber arrived soon enough and I climbed inside and verified the address. As we drove away, I checked my phone. I hadn't warned my mother that I would be coming. I'd hoped to surprise her. But she'd called me last night while I was sleeping and I hadn't called her back.
Chahee had texted me that she was already missing my gorgeous Lisa. Jimin had added that he was missing the amazing mansion. I just smiled and locked my phone, settling in for the long ride from the haves to the have nots.
My mother hadn't left the house I'd grown up in. Not even when we all had. So I knew the address, and the neighbourhood, by heart. It wasn't a good one. A far cry from Lisa's Silicon Valley modern marvel, my mother's tear down Spanish style three bedroom house screamed lower middle class. But I didn't mind it. There were memories in every crack and tear. Some good, some bad. It was always bittersweet coming here.
I did not linger on the sidewalk to admire it when the Uber dropped me off. I just thanked the driver and opened the chain link fence next to the sidewalk. Then I hurried up the path before my mother could come running to the door. We used to joke that she could hear that chain link open from a mile away and I knew that, at least, hadn't changed.
