All For You

Chapter eight

       "Do you like it?" Clarke asks seeing Lexa's blank face.

She lifts her head strongly and looks to Clarke. "I cannot." She simply says shaking her head and Clarke creases her eyebrows.

"Are you kidding? You'd look amazing in this Lex and you had something similar in-"

"I do not want it." Lexa says and it catches Clarke off guard.

"What why?" Clarke says taking a step back trying to make sense of the situation.

"I am no longer that person." Lexa reminds herself and Clarke.

"Yes you are. I fell in love with that person so don't be so quick to let her die." Clarke says and immediately regrets it. She could have worded that much differently.

Technically, that girl did die. Luna forced her to step down from her commandership and change her life.

Lexa feels an overwhelming sense of guilt when she thinks of her people. She can't handle the thought of being a commander.

Not when there is absolutely nothing she can do to help her people.

Lexa looks between Clarkes eyes before shaking her head in denial.

Why hadn't she just accepted the gift? It was just cloths. Clarke tries to come up with any sort of reason for the reaction she was given but finds none.

"I'm sorry Lexa," Clarke says before walking over to Lexa embracing her in hug. She can sense Lexa's pain through the longing look she was giving her.

"I love you now more than I've ever loved any version of you. I just wanted to do something thoughtful. I am sorry if it brought up pain for you." Clarke says squeezing her tight.

"I will never be who I was again Clarke. Most of my teachings remain but the person I was is gone. The girl I was died." Lexa admits and Clarke nods in understanding while pulling away.

"Then she is gone and you are new. I accept that. I accept you, Lexa." Clarke whispers and grabs her face once more. "But a wise soul once told me that you can't run away from who you are." Clarke adds hoping Lexa will understand her point of view.

"I did not run away, Clarke. I was forced to go. Now I am choosing to let my old life go." Lexa defends herself. "I only said that to you because you had actually run away. I did not flee I was stripped from my people. With the thought of my people still being my priority I would be picking up each and every bolder stopping me from getting to them." Lexa says and Clarke nods.

"I ran away because you broke my heart." She reminds Lexa.

"For my people." Lexa says hinting at the reason why she no longer wants to be responsible for them.

"I am choosing myself Clarke, I am choosing you and Madi. I owe nothing more to my past I am free from the chains and I don't want to be reminded of when I once was not." Lexa adds and Clarke smiles.

"I understand. You are exactly who I need you to be for me Lexa and I love you dearly." Clarke tells her pulling her into a hug that was reciprocated.

"Now please one more night being upset will lead to my death. Let's get some sleep." Clarke jokes and Lexas eyes widen.

"It was a joke." She assures her and Lexa nods trying to smile as if she found it funny in the slightest. 

They find themselves in bed once again this time Lexa had held onto Clark like her life depended on it. Anytime Clarke would move even in the slightest Lexa would tighten her hold on her.