EVIL WOMAN / ben parish

chapter four

I WANT TO throw up.

All I feel is pure revulsion as I stare straight into my reflection. I can't understand why as I didn't feel this nauseated when I first walked in here; with dirt scattered across my cheeks, blood splattered like paint all over my face, and the nest that lived inside my hair. I have no reason to feel disgusted by myself now.

It was my actions. My actions are something I can't take back, can't erase, can't ignore—but, I'm a teenager. I had no idea that within a couple of years, I would be sitting in this exact moment, pondering on what I should've and could've done. Obviously if I had known, I would have done everything to prevent it from happening in the first place. Not just my behavior but the alien invasion in its entirety.

Funny, I think. As if I could have done anything to keep this from happening.

Dr. Pam eyes me with caution. I think she believes I'm going to charge at her for what she just made me go through. It makes me wonder; did she see it all too? Or did I mimic certain actions that the restraints couldn't prevent me from doing?

Either way, she lets me sit in silence. I don't know whether to thank or yell at her. I mean, the last thing I want to do right now is to be left alone with my thoughts. They sink deep into my soul, almost wanting to make me wince like it was an open wound.

This lasts for only a couple more minutes until she breaks the silence with not much words but guidance to my next step of this long process.

I walk inside the room which was much larger than the last one, and surveyed. I've gotten used to observing my surroundings with being alone most of the time; it became an unhealthy habit of mine. I take notice of the chair that sits in front of another reflective wall and notice that it doesn't hold restraints, which was good enough for me to move toward it.

The only thing that manages to pull my fear is my own reflection. They have some sort of obsession with mirrors in this place. I don't know if it's on purpose for us to dissociate while staring at ourselves or if it's for decorating reasons.

All that I focus on is how she stares back at me with an indistinctive disgust for my past, and even present.

"This won't take too long," Dr. Pam helps me look away as she fills the room with her motherly-but-doctorly voice again. I don't know if I find it comforting or annoying. "And before you may worry, he won't be able to see us."

Who won't be able to?

"This is an infested."

The lights on the other side of the mirror floods on and my face is dimmed by the replacement of the person that sits opposite to me. His eyes look tired, almost as if it took immense work to keep them open. There are wires connected to a machine behind him that are attached all over his head, seemingly keeping it in place.

It was not a pleasing sight to witness.

"You can see for yourself."

Dr. Pam clicks another button, it being the only sound heard in the room. Suddenly, the boy who looks quite younger than me is sporting a green bug-like feature on his brain. It looks stuck, connected even.

That is what destroyed the human race. That is what has all the power over us now. That is what killed my family. That disgusting insect.

"This is the prefrontal cortex, which is basically the thinking part of your brain." Dr. Pam crouches beside me as she speaks in my ear with a sad tone. "It's taken over his whole mind; infected what made him human. We don't know how they did it or even if the infected are aware of their presence, or if they've been puppets their entire life."

I don't understand—no, I do—I just wish I don't. The rage is suddenly turning into pity. How the innocence that radiates off the boy was being ripped apart in pieces by this "infection". It stares back at me as if mocking me of what they have done and are continue doing.

This boy ahead of me was no different than my older brother, or my father. Just another helpless victim forced to be used to prove a point.

"We've tried drugs, radiation, electroshock, surgery to remove this thing but nothing works." Dr. Pam moves around behind me before reproaching the spot she had just left. "The only way to kill them is to kill the host."

My eyes are glued to the scene that I have to be nudged in order to see the red button being handed to me. The word 'EXECUTE' is displayed in large letters. Oh no, I immediately think but I push that part of myself to the back of my mind.

While I don't want to be accountable for taking another life, I remind myself that this "life" isn't one anymore. The aliens have taken over the part that made him like me, so, if anything, I'm putting him out of his misery.

Not only that but I will be killing the thing that got my family killed. Call it justice.

"All you have to do is—"

My finger is already pressing down on the button with no hesitation before she's able to finish her sentence.