EVIL WOMAN / ben parish

chapter seven

THE OUTSIDE AIR is crisp. I take a deep breath just so I can feel it inside my lungs. It feels nice and I wonder why it didn't when I used to spend my mornings camping in the woods. I assume it's because I've been stuck inside the base which is normally stuffy and cold.

When I look up at the sky, I can see clouds forming above us as I mindlessly follow my squad. Several memories run through my mind and I force myself to shut my brain off - which isn't really possible. I just can't stand being able to think sometimes. I focus on walking, counting how many steps it takes me to reach Reznik and my squad as I've managed to fall behind.

I look up and see his face. He's standing there with a fake smile plastered across his lips that I can tell isn't genuine for many reasons. He looks excited to watch us suffer but I don't think he's excited to be here.

"Hit the road!" he shouts. It echoes off the concrete as everyone follows suit in his orders.

I widen my eyes, being the last one to do as told. I refused to ask Flint about what our daily routine entailed so I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know how many laps we are being forced to do so I decide to lag behind Flint, watching him closely. I can feel my breathing get heavy faster than I anticipated seeing as I spent my previous life running around the woods from the smallest noises I heard in the distance. I don't know if it's the staring or my breathing that catches his attention.

Flint glances past his shoulder in my direction which ultimately leaves us making awkward eye contact that I break. I start to feel a little embarrassed.

I don't have to look up to know he's still staring at me and I fight the urge to slow down. In the corner of my eye, he licks his lips and I prepare for what is to come. Whether it would be of him attempting at consoling my confusion or scolding me for being invasive; I'm one step ahead of him.

"I'm sorry about what was said back there." Flint breaks the silence, which isn't technically silence as the sound of footsteps and heavy breathing is being heard.

His words catch me off guard. I have no other choice but to flicker my gaze back to his eyes so I can examine the meaning behind it, pursing my lips.

He might understand my chosen silence because he doesn't beckon me to respond like I expect. "It's three laps, by the way."

I furrow my brows and can't help the way my eyes start to soften. My dad always used to tell me that I expressed my emotions through my face because it was hard to with words. In this moment, I'm cursing him for once.

I don't want Flint to know I care. I don't want him to think that all because he decided to be nice to me meant that I would be nice back. Of course that doesn't mean I would be rude but it certainly doesn't mean that I will willingly let him, or anyone in this squad for that matter, break the wall I've took so long to build.

Flint doesn't look like the person who deserved to be on my bad side. He seemed like he had his hands full already. I'm basing this assumption purely on his morning interaction with Reznik regarding the squad. I don't think handling a bunch of kids would make an easy job especially with how some of them act. I can't find myself doing it. I don't think I nearly have enough patience or voice to do it.

While this forces me to feel, I feel bad thinking about the possibility of being another thing that only inhibits his leadership. Now that doesn't mean I'll let him know it but I won't get in his way in order to avoid it.

He slows down in order to match my pace which causes me to feel nervous. I just return him with a nod because Eve has her tiny hand wrapped around my throat. She squeezes it until I can't breathe and I'm fighting for air. I try not to look panicked in front of him.

Miraculously, Flint and I finish our laps at the same time which is no surprise. I know he's trying to prove Reznik wrong. Lucky for him, we're both greeted by the impressed look on Reznik's face which I can tell isn't something he does often by the skeptical expression Flintstone is wearing.

I turn around to watch the rest. Teacup seems to be racing with Tank and she successfully wins. I smile slightly at her as she brags in his face about it but I force myself to drop it. Don't get attached, Mars. I know it's only a matter of time until something bad happens once I do.

"Well, would you look at that!" Reznik hollers just as everyone catches up to us. "It's only been an hour and Private Haze is putting your pathetic asses to shame!"

I roll my eyes. I'm not completely sure how I feel about his comment. I suddenly don't want them to hate me and I think Reznik bragging about me like some trophy will only get on their nerves. Especially since he's pointing out the fact that I'm better than them. I'm really not.

"You know the drill, Zombie," Reznik says. He gestures for him to continue which makes me confused.

Zombie doesn't respond, going straight back on the track and completing a whole new lap. He doesn't take long because he's back within a couple of minutes. I can tell he's out of breath but Reznik, nor does the rest of the squad, care as they venture back inside the base.

He takes a pause to catch his breath and I feel this sudden urge to wait until he does. I feel bad for him; that's my first mistake. I used to dig deep for any ounce of emotion within me since the night my siblings died and could never find a sliver. Even if I tried to force it, nothing ever happened. But seeing him exhausted all by himself, for some reason, made me feel pitiful.

I stay put and quietly watch as he catches his bearings. This only lasted for a couple seconds because his eyes rose to meet mine like he can feel me staring. He looks surprised to see me but I don't see much else as I turn around and walk away from him.

Way to go, I tell myself in annoyance.

When I enter the mess hall, I'm slapped in the face by several scents. I realize it's not only coming from the thousand kids most likely sweating from their outdoor training but from the food. If you could even call it that. I don't even think it's food, to be honest.

I try to hide my cringe as I carry my plate to the table where I see my squad is sitting. It seems everyone has their person because each of them are sat next to the one their conversing with the most. I walk over slowly as I decide to take the open seat next to Teacup, seeing as she's the only girl and tended not to bother me.

I'm not too surprised to find their attention placed upon me because I haven't said one word since the altercation back in our barracks. I'm not sure if they understand I won't be speaking anytime soon. At least if I have anything to do with it because I know Reznik will make his way under my skin eventually to hear my voice since he knows I hate it so much. But, as of right now, I force myself to find the mystery meat on my plate appetizing so they're forced to leave me alone.

"How'd that extra lap go," Tank speaks up when Zombie arrives at the table with his plate. His tone is obviously condescending and the smirk on his face really makes me want to shove my fork through his hand.

Zombie doesn't say a word. The only thing he does is sit right next to me. Ugh.

I berate myself in my head as I play with my food. The only thing I'm thankful for is that he doesn't look my direction. He stares at his plate in contemplation like I'm doing and I fight back the urge to feel again.