Hell-Bent On Slipping Away

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Dedicated to @guiltrippingkids thank you for supporting the story!

Also, I was tagged for a twenty fact thing, so if you're tagged and don't read this story, just skip to the end (:

"If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself." -George Orwell, 1984

The late November night was freezing, and with each step Frank took barefoot on his tundra of a front lawn, he cursed himself for not wearing shoes outside. The trash bag slung over his shoulder smelled putrid and he couldn't have been more miserable for the next thirty seconds.

He threw the garbage bag into the huge plastic bin and wiped his hands on his pants, because some sort of liquid had begun dripping out of the plastic and down his arms. He rolled his eyes out of exasperation and closed the garbage can lid. All was silent.

"Heya!" said a voice out of nowhere, causing Frank to jump out of his skin.

"Fuck!" Frank said out of shock. As he attempted to calm his nerves, Gerard revealed himself from around the corner of the house. "What the hell are you doing, Gerard?"

"I was waiting for you. Let's take a walk." He smiled and nodded to the road in front of them.

"Um, okay..." said Frank, his words trailing off. "It's kinda late, my mom might say no." He had to ask his mother, because he had only come outside briefly to take the trash out.

Gerard's mouth twitched in thought. "We'll go when she's asleep. Can I come in?"

"Sure," said Frank, shrugging. He went around onto the porch, but Gerard didn't follow. He was already halfway up the rose trellis by Frank's room. Frank didn't have the energy to say anything against it. Something about his friend and front doors didn't get along.

He made it to his room in time to open the (still cracked) window for Gerard. He didn't have the balls to tell his mother about it and planned on earning enough money to pay for the replacement himself. Gerard tumbled in and sat up on the bed.

"Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend?" Frank muttered, not to Gerard nor anyone in particular. He had been feeling quite left out lately, as any free time Gerard had now was not spent on video games or messing around with Frank. It was instead with Lindsey, and the past weeks had become almost unbearable. For the first time since he met Gerard four years ago, he felt utterly alone.

Gerard shifted his positioning, fixating his gaze on the younger boy, and Frank realized that he had heard him. "Is somebody jealous?" he asked playfully, a grin pulling at his lips. His fucking lips.

"What?" stuttered Frank. "N-no, I was just commenting. You seem to do everything with her now." He was lying through his teeth; jealousy had been in fact one thing that he was feeling, in addition to hopelessness, confusion, lust, and the ever-so-persistent tiredness. The last had become an expected thing.

Gerard considered this, tilting his head to the side in that ever-so-adorable manner, but disregarded it. "Dude, have you been sleeping okay?"

He hadn't. Frank's circadian rhythm had been off since the beginning of freshman year, almost three months now. The circles under his eyes began to resemble a nineteenth-century painting more than skin. He shook his head.

"Luggage check under Frank's eyes," Gerard chuckled softly. Frank quirked an eyebrow. "Go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

"No!" said Frank suddenly. He realized he probably sounded extremely desperate. "What did you, uh, what did you want me for?"

"Oh, I just thought we should go on a walk like we always do. Just talk. Have a good time." Gerard's smile turned from playful to hopeful, and Frank couldn't help but comply. He fixed his gaze on a scrape down Gerard's arm. Maybe this would be an opportune time to be more open with each other and ask about the injuries. He needed to know about Gerard and Mikey's dad, he needed to know about why Gerard went missing. He deserved to know; after all, he was Gerard's best friend.