Fool's Beginning, Fool's End (At The End, Everything is Okay: The 0th Story)

Section 3

The history of the Puke Chute, while mostly unknown to anyone currently alive, goes back some two thousand years to a man by the name of Jone.

Jone was the one of the few human residents of the valley, partially by choice, but mostly because he was the victim of a scam. Some ten years prior, he had found himself in the company of a self-proclaimed wizard (When asked to provide proper wizard identification, he could not).

The wizard made Jone an offer: he would give Jone directions to find his soulmate. As payment, Jone would give the wizard the S in his name. Jone agreed.

The wizard directed Jone to the valley, with explicit instructions to pack up his life – everything he had – and move to the valley.

Now, Jone was a deeply cynical person; He was predisposed to negativity, and had every intention of blowing off the wizard's offer. But he didn't. The catastrophe a few years back had displaced a great many people, and had killed a great many more. Along with its destruction, it had brought a wave of depression.

Jone was desperate for happiness in his life.

He left town that night.

After ten years in the valley, he had grown sick of it all. The beauty of nature, the songs of the bird-things in the morning, the safety and security of the naturally defensive landscape. None of it meant anything, since he had yet to meet his soulmate.

Worst of all, in order to get clean water, he'd have to make a two hour long trip, by foot, to the Purifiers' settlement near the coast. Three times a week.

A sane man would've returned to civilization. Jone was not a sane man. Not anymore, at least.

Mustering all the spite he could, Jone made up his mind. He would build a canal.

Stretching over five miles, Jone dug out a trench from the Purifiers' camp all the way to his home in the valley. It took a year and a half to complete.

It must be noted that the Purifiers, a notoriously peaceful group, were not very pleased with Jone. The clean water they provided was to be distributed to any and all who sought it. At the time, they did not have the means to provide a direct water line to anyone, let alone one person five miles out.

But despite their initial displeasure, the Purifiers allowed Jone to complete his canal. Because, you see, the Purifiers were able to predict what the ultimate outcome of Jone's effort would be.

Vomit.

That night – the night that Jone finally completed his canal – after a year and a half's worth of hard labor, Jone sat at his little hut in the valley, and waited for the clean water to trickle in.

But the water never came. What he got instead was vomit. Copious amounts of vomit. Gallons, even.