A Thousand Years in Perfect Symmetry

five hundred years dead set ahead of me

Alhaitham wasn't sure how many Sabzeruz Festivals followed after that. He tried telling Kaveh he loved him. He tried saying it a lot.

Kaveh never reacted well. Usually, he thought he was joking and, on the off chance he realized he wasn't just making fun of him, he usually went off on his own to think it over, which would be fine if it weren't for the dream at large. He'd never figure it out before the next day.

A few times, Alhaitham allowed Kaveh to drag him along to the Sabzeruz Festival and he told him there. It was a surefire way to get him slapped, and one time Kaveh even cried. He wouldn't try that again.

(He tried not to dwell on it, but if he closed his eyes for too long, the scene stayed fresh and vivid. It'd made a great many people turn to stare as the skin on Alhaitham's face began to turn a dark red in the shape of Kaveh's hand.

"Did you expect me to just accept whatever lie you came up with?" Kaveh had yelled at him. His eyes were narrowed and full of hurt. He had a hand on his chest, over his heart like he was nursing a wound. "I don't know how you found out, but I don't need your pity. I certainly don't need you to lie to me and turn it into some publicity stunt so everyone sees how thoughtful you are."

Alhaitham hadn't known how to respond, so he didn't.

Kaveh let out another huff and tears began to well in his eyes. "Is this why you agreed to go here today? So you could toy with my heart like it's another one of your goddamn research assignments? Like, 'Oh, let's see how Kaveh reacts to this line today!'"

The tears started to fall like a waterfall, unending. "Fuck you. You have no decency."

When Kaveh finally walked off, hands balled into fists at his side, Alhaitham hadn't stopped him. He decided after that, perhaps just outright saying it with nothing to show for it was a terrible idea.)

Repeated failure was beginning to become grating, however, and he recalled what happened the last time Kaveh started to grate on him. He hadn't dared to touch Kaveh after that scene in the shower and it was getting tempting.

Alhaitham sat up in bed, finally tired of hearing himself think. Shower. Brush hair. Brush teeth. Get dressed. Kaveh on the couch. Sketchbook.

Alhaitham stopped at the edge of the sofa, placing a hand idly on the armrest like he had a dozen times before. Kaveh stopped drawing and placed the pencil down, cautious red eyes turning toward him. "What is it this time?"

"I want to kiss you."

Alhaitham was honest and upfront with himself this time. It must've frightened Kaveh because he dropped the sketchbook and it fell to the floor below, the pencil following right after.

"Huh?" It's a question, a sound of confusion, but it sounds accusatory. Kaveh's eyes were wide as saucers and his cheeks were now lightly flushed. It made it even more tempting.

"You heard me," Alhaitham repeated. "Will you let me?"

"Let you?" Kaveh repeated. He cracked a nervous smile, one that felt unnatural given the surprised look still on his face. "When were you ever one to let what I want stop you?"

Alhaitham let out a slow, disappointed sigh. "Kaveh, I'm not going to just take you by force."

A moment of awkward silence went by and Kaveh only stared, unmoving. "Are you mad at me over last night?"

"No, I'm not teasing you and I'm not trying to play a trick on you," Alhaitham's reply was exasperated, frustrated by the repeating of things he'd had to tell him day after day, and full of restraint. A restraint that was about to snap if he didn't get his hands on Kaveh in the next few minutes. "Tell me it's okay if I kiss you."