Your Hand To Hold

Chapter Five : The New King of Asgard

 June 1st, 2010

         Hours seemed to pass as I sat outside Odin's sanctum, waiting for news. I had heard of the Odinsleep, yet I had not witnessed it despite having lived as Frigga's handmaiden until the last fifty years. Having never experienced such a dramatic and ethereal sight outside of Frigga and Loki's illusions and manipulations, I had not been prepared for Odin to collapse as he had nor for Loki to respond in such a way.

   My heart was still heavy over the precursing events. In part, I blamed myself for Loki's response; after all, I had known when he had not. Even if only in the smallest of ways, knowing that I had known more about him than he had and not telling him left me feeling responsible for how he felt. Yet the greatest part of me wanted to hate Odin; wanted to be angry with Frigga for not telling him as they should have. It was one thing to have kept it a secret from him until they were certain he could handle and understand what had been done and why, that Odin- while acting selfishly at first, had come to love him as his own- truly had done what he thought was best; it was another to maintain the secret as if his lived lie was truth. How they had managed to do so to such an age was beyond reproach.

   I sighed, leaning back against the stone wall; my head spinning with far too many questions, frustrations, and fears. Frigga had seemed more worried than normal as the guards had carried Odin to his sanctum; she had told them to shutter the windows while pulling several furs over him before the shimmer of his slumber could engulf him. In the past, the Odinsleep had regularly occurred during the winter solstice, lasting a few days at most. There had never been such a fuss then, at least not to my recollection. No, this time, something felt different and not just because I had glimpsed the king's odd behavior. 

   Just as the windows, I, too, had been shuttered out so that only Loki, Frigga and two of the Einherjar remained. A part of me wondered if it was Loki's choice or merely an oversight as I doubt they had been given updated orders regarding my abilities to wonder through the castle. Still, I had yet to be escorted back to my room; something I was grateful for, for the moment at least.

   I wanted to speak to Loki once he emerged, wanted to make sure he was alright though I knew that he could not be. He had suffered a great many losses in such a short time, from the banishment of his brother to finding out his bloodlines to watching his surrogate father fall into a sleep many feared he may not awaken from. I just wanted him to know that he did not have to sort through things alone, that he wasn't alone. The longer I waited though, the more I wondered if he would even want me to be here when he managed to leave his father's side.

   Having knowingly kept the secret of his origins or not, I could only imagine that it would have felt like a slight on my part and it wasn't like I could attempt to clear the air or even make a valid justification for such. My mind wondered to just the other day and the way he had spoken to me, the kindness he had showed. Would this return him to tormenting me? Had the roles been reversed, I could see myself wanting little to do with him.

   "Has there been any word?"

   I sat up to see Sif and Hogun standing but a few feet away. I shook my head softly as they sighed, exchanging a look before they moved to sit across from me. "I still do not understand how this all came to pass..." I muttered aloud with a heavy sigh, speaking to no one in particular as I stretched my legs out in front of me.

   Sif shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest. "There was no stopping him once he got it in his head that we had to got to the Jotunheim to ensure the safety of our borders." Hogun nodded beside her, saying nothing.

   "I heard that things did not go well, yet I do not understand how or why Thor was banished; how you all survived if what I have heard is true."

   "Loki told a guard to go to Odin and alert him after we had left, yet I think there is more to it than that" Hogun said, his voice low and somber.