Your Hand To Hold

Chapter Twenty-Four: Commitment Determination

November 19th, 2013

          The following morning, Odin commanded that he, Loki, and I would return to Asgard, with Thor following behind in no more than three days. He did not want to further allow the Aether to be a threat to Earth while we remained and he wanted me to be checked over by Eir while we awaited Erik's device to house it. For now, I would remain the Aether's chosen home though it was far more taxing the longer I contained it, particularly after my armor had been removed. Loki had noticed that my healing abilities had slowed, the burn on my arm needing to be bandaged by him or Jane daily during our stay as it just seemed to refuse to heal. 

   By the time we prepared to return, I had lost several pounds, something that concerned Loki greatly while Odin had commented on how I could have done with less softness, hinting  that women were to be like Jane and Sif, not like Darcy nor me. How Jane had managed to handle the mood swings of the Aether and Odin, I did not know. As we said our final goodbyes in preparation to leave, I noticed a change in both Thor and Jane. There was something about the way they refused to look at one another that had me anxiously wondering if he would remain the entire three days he had been allotted, or if he would return at all. There was just a strange tension in the air that hadn't been there any of the days before and I couldn't help but wonder what had happened during the night to cause it and if it was something to be celebrated on their behalf or something we would need to prepare for back home.

   As fate would have it, Thor returned to Asgard the next afternoon; his face grim and his heart heavy. I wanted to be glad that he had returned despite his grief, yet there was a deep pain I could feel as well.

   "Jane... Jane and I have decided to part ways," he said solemnly as we sat beside the fire in my room. "She feels that my commitment must be to Asgard and hers to her work."

   "And what do you feel?"

   Thor lifted his blue eyes to meet his brother's green ones as he sighed. "I always believed we were brought together by fate, that it was her who was destined to show me what it meant to be worthy. Yet when I asked her to speak her heart, I was not prepared to hear that while she was in love with me, she couldn't imagine our life together."

   Loki and I exchanged a timid look before I cleared my throat. "Thor, perhaps-"

   "She felt that she would be useless here..."

   "And perhaps she would," Loki offered gently. "No disrespect intended but your Lady Jane puts most of our scholars to shame and we are a simple people."

   I frowned at him, sighing heavily. "What he means-"

   "It does not matter what he means, Sweet Sister, he is right. He is right and I only see that now. I took it so personally, so bitterly; as if her honesty that I had asked for was an insult, that she claimed I was mean when all she was trying to say was that she could not walk away from who she is any more than I could walk away from who I am destined to become..."

   "A man who speaks of fate," Loki muttered. I elbowed him softly, his surprised glare almost sheepish as I moved to comfort our golden-haired brother.

   "Thor, you once told me that you believed that it was all the things Loki and I could not speak of, the broken feeling that resided within each of us was what had drawn us to one another. Is it possible that you and Jane are similar; that you must face hardship to appreciate and receive the ending you both deserve?"

   He studied me, his eyes misting as he did before he bowed his head. "Or perhaps we were drawn to each other for this and only this. The Convergence. To preserve life, not to share it."

   "The universe protecting itself-"

   "With its most powerful creation," Thor nodded, woefully. "Though I would never wish for it, I will forever wonder if the universe knows how to shut such a process off so that I might have one more chance to hold her, to love her; to call her mine."

   After a moment we all collectively sighed. Loki gently clapped Thor on the back, ever careful of his still-healing wounds. "I know how much this hurts, yet I think you did the right thing."

   I shook my head. "I disagree, this feels like the worst mistake ever. And I mean that with all respect to Sif."

   Thor faced me then, his expression curious. "What do you mean by that, Sweet Sister."

   "Oh sweet ancestors," I groaned, touching my fingertips to my forehead.

   "You cannot still be this oblivious now, can you?"

   "I feel as if I have missed a joke of some kind."

   "Thor," Loki cried exasperatedly.

   "Have you not eyes, Good Brother? Sif has had the biggest crush on you since- well, since forever." His eyes widened as he looked between us, disbelief upon his face.

   "Is that, is that why Father has continued to press; even when-"

   "Yes, you blundering oaf," Loki groaned, his eyes rolling so far back in his head I feared they may stick.

   "But you two-"

   "She used him-"

   "We used one another," he corrected gently, refusing to meet my gaze as he fidgeted. "It was not the wisest decision and for a time we both thought that perhaps we could make it work long term, yet neither of us could ever give up on the dream of what we truly desired." Thor watched his body language almost as closely as I did then, that silly grin of his spreading over his face a moment later as Loki lifted a finger to scold him. "Thor, don't you dare-"

   "I see it now," he said, looking once more between us, a soft chuckle-like exhale falling from his lips. "How could I have been so blind?"

   "I'm sorry, are we still discussing you and Sif?"

   "Thor, I swear," Loki calmly threatened, his finger wavering. "You have one job as my brother, just the one-"

   Thor's laughter echoed out into the courtyard below. "Oh, and here I thought I was the fool. Have neither of you acknowledged it aloud yet?" I hesitantly glanced at Loki, slowly crossing my arms against my chest, my fingers clasping my forearms as I rocked back and forth on my heels. His face was tilted up, dark waves falling to his shoulder blades now as he pretended to stare off toward the horizon. Thor huffed, rising as he grabbed each of our shoulders roughly and forced us to face one another. "I say this not as your brother, nor your future king, but as someone who knows what it means to hold such words within your heart for far too long; say it. Fall into one another and allow yourself to be caught, because there is no greater feeling in the realms."