Sponge Noir

Chapter 5 - Saturday

I sluggishly made it to the Krusty Krab but early since I had to unlock it for Squidward and the fry cook. Then I thought to myself, at least I'll be able to sleep in tomorrow since only us officers work on Sundays [94]. On the way, I called a cleanup crew to remove the disguised bags of Cocaine and remaining patties from the restaurant. Once I unlocked the front door, I decided to take a walk around the outside and unlock the back door to assess the storage room's mess. As soon as I turned the key I quickly remembered that I needed to disable the burglar alarm. I ran back out front as fast as I could to pull the secret latch but it was too late. An unimpressed crisply burnt Squidward stared at me through the window [11]. We locked eyes as I slowly and awkwardly pulled the latch to disable the rest of the system. He piped up as soon as I walked through the doors. "I'd rather work for a crook that remembers shit than a forgetful law-abiding citizen".             

"Sorry Squid. It won't happen again". The Fry Cook punched in shortly after and the three of us cleaned up the storage room mess. While cleaning, I brought up the Cocaine secret and that everything would be removed. I told the fry cook that he would begin making new patties but without adding the so-called 'White Cocoa Powder'. While still in the storage room, we could hear a muffled commotion outside. As we walked back into the main eating area, we could see whales lined up against the windowed perimeter of the building holding PLM signs chanting "Porpoise Lives Matter". There were also fish in the protest showing solidarity. The protest seemed to be led by Don the Whale who was holding a megaphone. He is super jacked and you don't want to mess with him. I told everyone to stay inside for the time being.  

I agree with everything they stand for. But change will only happen if you protest the Mayor's building, not a restaurant. Then laws could be implemented like banning sea cow meat and finding alternatives. They had been showing up here frequently since all meat, like our patties, comes from sea cows. All whales are vegetarian, otherwise, it would be cannibalism. But some are activists who won't rest till no meat is served across the sea bottom. Heck, Pearl even turned the Krusty Krab into a salad bar when she was in charge [66]. It's understandable for this minority population to be upset. Sea cows may be the least sentient whales, but they're still whales. The law that allows sea cow slaughter is only in place because fish make up the majority of the population. Some argue that, if flipped, pigfish will be slaughtered instead. I don't buy that because whales will still maintain their vegetarian diet. I continue to eat Krabby Patties but I will happily give it up if laws change to give sea cows their freedom.  

No customers were willing to walk through the crowd of protesters so we spent most of the day cleaning. The cleanup crew showed up and wheeled out the bags of Cocaine plus all of the patties in the freezer and Patty Vault [58]. We finished cleaning the storage room and then cleaned up the eating area and washroom. By the time we were done, the crowd had left and customers were filing in. Squidward and the fry cook returned to their posts. I walked into Krabs's office and cleared all the stuff off his desk including an old photo of a younger shirtless Krabs, with a few abs remaining, holding a baby Pearl who was just as big as he was. I wondered when such an innocent pair turned corrupt. I opened up the safe and pulled out the corked bottle holding the Krabby Patty secret formula. I uncorked it and rolled open the paper. Then using a pen from Krabs's desk I crossed out: 'A pinch of White Cocoa Powder' before putting the formula back in the corked bottle and locking it in the safe. I walked over to my office and began grabbing my supplies to switch offices but when I looked out my window I dropped everything to the floor.  

All four of my police boat tires were flat. I ran outside and surely enough they were all slashed. I didn't blame the protesters because even when peaceful there are bad apples who don't represent the group and pull stupid shit like this. But they are attacking the wrong people. They tend to forget that we cops aren't the ones making the laws. I wanted to catch these perps but, unfortunately, Krabs was too God damn cheap to buy security cameras. Now that I'm in charge of finances, I thought, I should start buying all the stuff Krabs wouldn't buy. I walked back inside and cleaned up the mess I made. My stapler and hole puncher were both busted adding to my anger. "Dammit", I muttered in frustration since those office supplies were a gift from my grandma when I first became a man [4]. Then I thought that I could find the old supplies I used back in boating school. That sparked a side mission idea.