Sponge Noir

Chapter 7 - Monday

As the sun is rising, I decide to make a stop at the refurbished Cloud Nine prison to see how good of a job my comrades did putting everyone behind bars. I walk the hall of cells and everyone is accounted for: Squilliam is paralyzed in a wheelchair with a bandaged shoulder and tentacle, Rex's pretty face is now swollen and bruised, the bus clerk looks depressed, Jared has a bandaged thigh and is the only Bikini Bottom anchovy serving time here since we caught him red-handed in Rock Bottom, and, finally, the four anchovies who did business with Bubble Bass share a cell with him while he uses crutches with a knee brace. I'm surprised the crutches support his weight. To my dismay, I see that Mr. Krabs is behind bars down here too slumped on his bed. The skull and crossbones sign above the arch of the cell makes me uneasy. I try to get his attention."Pssst. Mr. K". He slowly turns his head and we lock eyes. "I dropped you off at the Bikini Bottom Jail. What the hell are you doing here?", I ask.

"Ahoy mate", he says sheepishly while standing up and walking towards the bars. "I got into a fight with a guard and I punched him so hard with me big meaty claw that he was not only knocked out but dropped dead from brain damage".

"Oh my! Is that why they transferred you here?".

"That's right boy. I have to walk the plank".

"Oh my God sir you're on death row? Now I feel guilty for arresting you in the first place."

"Don't me boy, I lived a good life. A crooked life with perks I didn't deserve. You did your job and are a good sponge. It's time for me to be a good crab and enter the bucket".

"I just did something I regret too. I don't think I can feel any lower. But wait. Don't you mean, 'kick the bucket?'".

"Aye lad. But us crabs use a different analogy", he says with a chuckle that masks his sadness.

"Well, misery loves company. I hope to see you in the next life, Eugene". I extend my hand through the bars and we shake hands.

The Tattle-tale strangler sees us shaking hands from deeper inside the same cell. "Krabs don't worry about death row", he shouts [22]. "Your biggest fears disappear and mine is that little yellow idiot you seem to be friendly with".

Krabs stands up for me. "Now you wanna talk eh? I figured this cell was for everyone on death row. If so I'll see you on the other side shortly. But give it some time and this sponge will eventually be there too. You can never truly escape your fear forever". Mr. Krabs and I share a laugh that temporarily distracts us from our own problems.

The Strangler stands up with a defeated half grin. "You think you're tough 'cause you knocked out a guard.

"I killed him", responds Krabs. He puffs out his chest even though his eyes still show regret, for what he had done, and fear since we all fear the Tattle-tale Strangler to some degree.

"Ha! You're lucky you even knocked him out" says the Strangler walking towards him. "I heard he was killed after his head fell onto a bench. He wouldn't die from a punch as weak as your's old man. Do you really wanna know why I'm in this cell?".

"That's what I've been asking you, haven't I?", responds Krabs still trying to maintain his poker face.

"I slowly and PAINFULLY strangled a guard to death with my bare hands! No other guards were around and he could not scream with these babies around his throat!", He says giving jazz hands to show off his lethal weapons.

"You're just a wanna-be tough guy punk", replies Krabs. "I actually used to be in the navy AND still eat bowls of nails for breakfast to this day" [46].

"Yea, so?", says the strangler with a glaring grin.

"Without any milk", mutters Krabs narrowing his eyes [46]. The Strangler returns to an angrily defeated expression. Mr. Krabs is good at holding his tough guy poker face even when lying about the milk. The Strangler glances at me and sees me with a slight smile since Krabs is standing his ground well.