The secret love

Chapter 5

Time skip to a couple weeks cuz idk what to
put😭🤭

FINNEYS POV

It has been a couple weeks since I found out about Robin not eating. Slowly, Robins Mom and I have helped him start eating again overtime. He's doing good now.

I on the other hand, am not. Those bad thoughts haven't gone yet. And it doesn't help knowing I freaking like Robin. More than a friend.. knowing I like him makes me freak out. My dad won't allow me liking boys and Robin doesn't like boys. He won't like me back, I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Anyway. my thoughts get out of hand and have made me do bad things to myself. I can't help it. I haven't gone to anyone because I feel, ashamed? Maybe embarrassed.? I don't know. It's just a feeling that makes me not want to go to anybody.

It's like this emptiness I can't get away from. Like a deep black void that I'm trying to escape but can't. Sometimes I feel like the world would just be better without me.

ROBINS POV

Finn and my mom have helped a lot, I can eat now. I'm so thankful for them. But Finn has been acting off lately. He just doesn't have much energy anymore. I don't know why. Maybe he's just tired. It's Friday night. I want to ask Finn for a sleepover but honestly, I'm scared for something to happen with him and his dad like last time, and I don't want to be the cause of that, again.

I want to ask him anyway, I shouldn't let his dad rip us apart. I went to the phone and ringed his number, his dad answered. "Hello, Terrence speaking" "oh hello, it's me Robin. Is Finn there?" "Yes one second" I could hear him call Finn's name from a distance, then someone else taking the phone.

"Hey Robin" "hey Finn! I was wondering if you wanted to sleepover?" "Let me ask my dad, one second" Finn put the phone down and asked his dad. He came back to the phone. "I can't come over robin, I'm sorry" "awe man. It's fine, don't worry about it. See you later Finn" "bye Robin."

Finn sounded upset? Numb?. I couldn't tell, all I knew is he wasn't happy. I was also upset he couldn't come. I like him, more than a friend. I wanted to see him.

FINNEYS POV

"Bye Robin." I Said with no expression. It wasn't Robin, I loved hearing his voice. I just couldn't act happy anymore. I don't have energy. I walked to my room. I started crying but I didn't even know why. I had no reason to cry. I just did.

My thoughts got the best of me and I couldn't take it. I got up, went to my drawer and grabbed a blade. I sat against my door and cut deeper and deeper each time. Crying, feeling nothing but pain.

I have tried to not cut for a while now. It's just, when you don't feel anything, pain is the best thing your going to get. It makes me feel less numb. I kept cutting deeper and deeper as my thoughts got worse and worse. My thoughts starting spiralling and I couldn't control it.

The next thing I know I'm looking at my bloody arm. I went to far this time. I went to the bathroom. I put water over the cuts until they stopped bleeding, then put pressure on them and then rapped them up and just went to my bed. Falling asleep right away.

Time skip to the next day (Saturday)

FINNEYS POV

I woke up, only remembering what happened last night. It was 12:00 pm. I slept in, but it was fine, it was the weekend. I got up and saw my dad was gone, at work. Gwen was staying at Susie's for the day so I was alone.

The phone started ringing and I picked it up. "Hey Finney speaking" "hey Finn" "oh hey Robin" i said with no expression. I couldn't get myself to sound happy. "How about you come to my place Finn, we could just hang out. It doesn't have to be a sleepover."

I knew I should hang out with Robin. He makes me feel better and I miss him. He makes my thoughts go away. "Sure, let me just call my dad and let him know."

"Okay, call me back after Finn" "will do" I said as I ended the call and called my dads work number. "Terrence speaking" "hey dad" "oh hi Finney" "can I go to robins? It's not a sleepover." "Yes, just call me when your coming home. I love you" "I love you too dad"

I called robin back. "Hey robin, my dad said yes" "okay, see you soon Finn!" "Bye Robin" "bye Finn" I got my bag, and left the door. Walking to robins.

I got there and nocked on the door. I looked bad, my eyes had dark circles under them, I hadn't changed my clothes in days and I hadn't showered. I didn't care though. Robin answered the door "hey Finn" "hey Robin"

ROBINS POV

I opened the door and saw Finn. Man. He looks like he hasn't been taking care of himself. I hope his okay. I really care about him.

"Hey Finn" "hey Robin" he sounded sad, numb. He had no expression, like he had no energy to fake it. He walked in my house and we went to my room. "So what do you want to do?" "I don't know. Movie?" The curly haired boy answered with. "Why not" I put on the movie jaws and we laid in my bed.

"Finn are you okay?" He looked at me. "What?" "You have been distant and you always sound sad, I'm worried" "I'm fine Robin" "okay."

FINNEYS POV

"Im fine Robin" "okay" I clearly wasn't. I felt bad for snapping at him. I just didn't want him to worry. He was my best friend, and I wanted him to be more than that. And me cutting him off and pushing him away because I can't handle being honest with him, could end all of this. That thought scared me, but I couldn't get myself to tell him.

My thoughts were spiralling and I didn't realize my sleeve rolled up a bit. "Um Finn. What's that.?" My heart dropped. I knew what he was talking about. He saw my cuts. My face was so red I could just feel it.
(Btw finn took of the bandage so Robin could see)

I sat up quickly and started panicking. I started breathing fast and not being able to talk. When I did talk my words just mushed together.

"Woah, woah Finn calm down, your okay. Look at me okay?" I looked at him, still panicking. He held the side of my arms and looked me in the eyes. "Finn. Just breath okay. Look. Breath like this" he started breathing in and out slowly, making sure I imitated him.

I was able to calm down "are you okay now?" "Yeah. Thanks robin" I knew what he was about to say. "Finn, what was on your arm.." My eyes got watery. "Ive been having a really hard time. I don't know why I did it." A tear fell down my face. Robin just looked at me concerned. Then hugged me.

After a while of us hugging, we left each other's arms. I was crying and Robin just wiped the tears off. "Can I see your arm Finn.? Sorry I shouldn't have asked that." "No Robin, it's fine." I lifted up my sleeve and saw robins expression. He was upset and clearly felt bad. I just looked down.

Robin took me to the bathroom and cleaned my arm. I didn't say anything the whole time. "Finn" I hummed in response, "I'll always be here for you, you know that right?" "I know" I smiled and looked down.

A/N hope you enjoyed. I will try and get them to get together soon I'm just slow with stuff like that😭 sorry if there's any grammar/spelling mistakes, ALSOOOO 1364 WORDS.🤭