atlas
two weeks ago
i wrote something
out of frustration.
i had no idea about
the type of week i would have.
i did not think i could do what i did.
i seized the day
and made it mine.
i took control
and did as i pleased.
as evil as it is,
i listened to that hushed voice
lingering in the corners of my mind.
the voice of the lust of life.
the urge to live.
that seductive voice which
soothes my soul.
i can compare it
to a burning flame of love.
the thing that drives one mad.
because that voice...
is consistently whispering
for me to go, to do it.
it is a daring little thing.
and so i went.
my sweet, shy self
carpe diemed.
i must confess:
it was worth all
the words exchanged
and all the accusations.
being able to walk up
and hold you tightly,
the way i imagined,
day in and day out,
was worth all of it.
you know i risked so much.
for you.
so i will continue to say
i love you more.
(but maybe you do really).
judging from how you embraced me,
like we were trying to fuse into one.
i know you truly missed it.
the kisses were long and hard.
we were catching up. rather,
making up for lost time.
all those endless nights
we laid separate,
openly and honestly expressing
our shameful desires to be
oh so close to one another.
if only we could lace our fingers, or
smush each other's faces, or
sweetly kiss in the dark, or
become familiar with our curves and lines, or
know the rhythm of our heart beats...
if only...you get the idea.
but look,
we waited.
and waited some more...
then good things were bestowed upon us.
we were gifted time.
he was so generous this winter.
we had not one, not two, but six days.
and as much as i want to cry
and complain it was not enough.
it was more than enough.
those days were a dream.
i swear i was in a deep sleep.
because when have we ever?
when could we be together?
hand in hand.
roaming the night.
exploring not just the city of stars,
but one another.
what a time to be alive.
so here is to my wants.
to what i wrote two weeks
before i held the world in my arms.
if only i knew...
===
no one could get me
what i truly want.
i want for you to see
the same moon i stand beneath
every lonely night
and the same sunsets
that paint my sky gold.
and for the time we stand in
to be the same as
what i have always known it to be.
no one could get me
the smile i wear
every time i hear your voice
or see your pretty face.
no one could get me
what you have given me
time and time again.
