Pretty in Blue

My Dearest

Bridgerton house 

"Colin." Benedict knocks on his door. 

Colin as been hiding himself since Pen broke the news to him about her courtship with Lord Debling. He hasn't eaten since two days ago, before the event and his eventual demise. He feels constantly nauseous and his mother had him get checked by the family doctor but he found nothing wrong with Colin. He knows why he feels sick. 

He thinks of Debling marrying and touching his dear Pen and he loses his lunch. 

"Come in" he strangles out. His voice drained from the amount of vomit he has been spewing for the last few days. 

"I thought maybe I should give you this personally." Ben says while handing him a letter.

"Penelope dropped it off, she wanted to make sure you were healthier but Mother told her not to worry." 

That makes Colin sit up fast. Grabbing the letter fast and opening it up. He reads the contents. 

My Dearest Colin,

Thank you for your help and teachings. I couldn't have found a better match then this and it is all thanks to your words. I want you to know that I care for you deeply. That I read all of your letters. I could never truly detox my mind of you. Even when I peer into my future, I know my thoughts will still be surrounded by you. Your words, your face, your eyes, your wit, your kindness. I will always hold you close to my heart my dear friend. 

I use to dream that one day you would be the one to save me from my family. That we would make a life together. Those dreams I had were great and sometimes I still hold onto them. But my reality hit me. I'm no longer a young girl that can afford to keep dreaming. For the sake of myself and for my family. 

I hope you never stop dreaming. I hope you always have that boyish glint in your eyes and that even when your old and gray you still hold that youthfulness that makes me giddy. 

My mama and Lord Debling have been discussing my future and although it makes me nervous, I know my duty. I know that I longer can I afford to risk my future. So, as I prepare for that future, I want to rid myself of anything I have been hiding away from you. 

My Colin, I never saw you as you see me. I Have always held something much more deeper then a friendship for you. My dreams. What they consisted of was you. Us. Together, as a family. And no not in the way of brother and sister. Moreso, wife and husband. My dreams. Our family. You and I. Our children. All of it. I kept that away from you but seeing as I will be a bride very soon to another man I might as well finally let you truly see me. Me and my love and devotion to you. 

Love, 

Pen. 

Ben stares on while Colin reads and slowly starts to cry. 

"What has she written, dear brother?" 

"I-I need to speak with her, right now." Colin says, his sobs making him hiccup his words out. 

"What has she said, is she in danger?" Ben asks wide-eyed. 

Colin doesn't answer him and instead gets up hurriedly. Getting dressed.

He rushes out of his room holding the letter to his heart. 

"Colin, are you feeling better?" Violet asks, confused by seeing her son up and going although he still looks very ill.

"I must see Penelope."

Violet is confused but tells him that Penelope was her earlier.

Colin ignores her and heads out the door.