The Outsiders- S. E. Hinton

Chapter 8

THE NURSES WOULDN'T let us see Johnny. He was in critical condition. Novisitors. But Two-Bit wouldn't take no for an answer. That was his buddy in there and heaimed to see him. We both begged and pleaded, but we were getting nowhere until thedoctor found out what was going on."Let them go in," he said to the nurse. "He's been asking for them. It can't hurtnow."Two-Bit didn't notice the expression in his voice. It's true, I thought numbly, he isdying. We went in, practically on tiptoe, because the quietness of the hospital scared us.Johnny was lying still, with his eyes closed, but when Two-Bit said, "Hey, Johnnykid,"he opened them and looked at us, trying to grin. "Hey, y'all."The nurse, who was pulling the shades open, smiled and said, "So he can talkafter all."Two-Bit looked around. "They treatin' you okay, kid?""Don't..." ---Johnny gasped--- "don't let me put enough grease on my hair.""Don't talk," Two-Bit said, pulling up a chair, "just listen. We'll bring you somehair grease next time. We're havin' the big rumble tonight"Johnny's huge black eyes widened a little, but he didn't say anything."It's too bad you and Dally can't be in it. It's the first big rumble we've had--- notcountin' the time we whipped Shepard's outfit""He came by," Johnny said."Tim Shepard?"Johnny nodded. "Came to see Dally."Tim and Dallas had always been buddies."Did you know you got your name in the paper for being a hero?"Johnny almost grinned as he nodded. "Tuff enough," he managed, and by the wayhis eyes were glowing, I figured Southern gentlemen had nothing on Johnny Cade.I could see that even a few words were tiring him out; he was as pale as the pillowand looked awful. Two-Bit pretended not to notice."You want anything besides hair grease, kid?"Johnny barely nodded. "The book"--- he looked at me--- "can you get anotherone?"Two-Bit looked at me too. I hadn't told him about Gone with the Wind."He wants a copy of Gone with the Wind so I can read it to him," I explained."You want to run down to the drugstore and get one?""Okay," Two-Bit said cheerfully. "Don't y'all run off."I sat down in Two-Bit's chair and tried to think of something to say. "Dally'sgonna be okay," I said finally. "And Darry and me, we're okay now."I knew Johnny understood what I meant. We had always been close buddies, andthose lonely days in the church strengthened our friendship. He tried to smile again, andthen suddenly went white and closed his eyes tight."Johnny!" I said, alarmed. "Are you okay?"He nodded, keeping his eyes closed. "Yeah, it just hurts sometimes. It usuallydon't... I can't feel anything below the middle of my back..."He lay breathing heavily for a moment. "I'm pretty bad off, ain't I, Pony?""You'll be okay," I said with fake cheerfulness. "You gotta be. We couldn't getalong without you."The truth of that last statement hit me. We couldn't get along without him. Weneeded Johnny as much as he needed the gang. And for the same reason."I won't be able to walk again," Johnny started, then faltered. "Not even oncrutches. Busted my back.""You'll be okay," I repeated firmly. Don't start crying, I commanded myself, don'tstart crying, you'll scare Johnny."You want to know something, Ponyboy? I'm scared stiff. I used to talk aboutkilling myself..." He drew a quivering breath. "I don't want to die now. It ain't longenough. Sixteen years ain't long enough. I wouldn't mind it so much if there wasn't somuch stuff I ain't done yet--- and so many things I ain't seen. It's not fair. You knowwhat? That time we were in Windrixville was the only time I've been away from ourneighborhood.""You ain't gonna die," I said, trying to hold my voice down. "And don't get juicedup, because the doc won't let us see you no more if you do."Sixteen years on the streets and you can learn a lot. But all the wrong things, notthe things you want to learn. Sixteen years on the streets and you see a lot. But all thewrong sights, not the sights you want to see.Johnny closed his eyes and rested quietly for a minute. Years of living on the EastSide teaches you how to shut off your emotions. If you didn't, you would explode. Youlearn to cool it.A nurse appeared in the doorway. "Johnny," she said quietly, "your mother's hereto see you."Johnny opened his eyes. At first they were wide with surprise, then they darkened."I don't want to see her," he said firmly."She's your mother.""I said I don't want to see her." His voice was rising. "She's probably come to tellme about all the trouble I'm causing her and about how glad her and the old man'll bewhen I'm dead. Well, tell her to leave me alone. For once" ---his voice broke--- "for oncejust to leave me alone." He was struggling to sit up, but he suddenly gasped, went whiterthan the pillowcase, and passed out cold.The nurse hurried me out the door. "I was afraid of something like this if he sawanyone."I ran into Two-Bit, who was coming in."You can't see him now," the nurse said, so Two-Bit handed her the book. "Makesure he can see it when he comes around." She took it and closed the door behind her.Two-Bit stood and looked at the door a long time. "I wish it was any one of us exceptJohnny," he said, and his voice was serious for once. "We could get along without anyonebut Johnny."Turning abruptly, he said, "Let's go see Dallas."As we walked out into the hall, we saw Johnny's mother. I knew her. She was alittle woman, with straight black hair and big black eyes like Johnny's. But that was as faras the resemblance went. Johnnycake's eyes were fearful and sensitive; hers were cheapand hard. As we passed her she was saying, "But I have a right to see him. He's my son.After all the trouble his father and I've gone to to raise him, this is our reward: He'd rathersee those no-count hoodlums than his own folks..." She saw us and gave us such a look ofhatred that I almost backed up. "It was your fault. Always running around in the middleof the night getting jailed and heaven knows what else..." I thought she was going to cussus out. I really did.Two-Bit's eyes got narrow and I was afraid he was going to start something. Idon't like to hear women get sworn at, even if they deserve it. "No wonder he hates yourguts," Two-Bit snapped. He was going to tell her off real good, but I shoved him along. Ifelt sick. No wonder Johnny didn't want to see her. No wonder he stayed overnight atTwo-Bit's or at our house, and slept in the vacant lot in good weather. I remembered mymother... beautiful and golden, like Soda, and wise and firm, like Darry."Oh, lordy!" There was a catch in Two-Bit's voice and he was closer to tears thanI'd ever seen him. "He has to live with that."We hurried to the elevator to get to the next floor. I hoped the nurse would haveenough sense not to let Johnny's mother see him. It would kill him.DALLY WAS ARGUING with one of the nurses when we came in. He grinned atus. "Man, am I glad to see you! These--- hospital people won't let me smoke, and I wantout!"We sat down, grinning at each other. Dally was his usual mean, ornery self. Hewas okay."Shepard came by to see me a while ago.""That's what Johnny said. What'd he want?""Said he saw my picture in the paper and couldn't believe it didn't have 'WantedDead or Alive' under it. He mostly came to rub it in about the rumble. Man, I hate notbein' in that."Only last week Tim Shepard had cracked three of Dally's ribs. But Dally and TimShepard had always been buddies; no matter how they fought, they were two of a kind,and they knew it.Dally was grinning at me. "Kid, you scared the devil outa me the other day. Ithought I'd killed you.""Me?" I said, puzzled. "Why?""When you jumped out of the church. I meant to hit you just hard enough toknock you down and put out the fire, but when you dropped like a ton of lead I thoughtI'd aimed too high and broke your neck." He thought for a minute. "I'm glad I didn't,though.""I'll bet," I said with a grin. I'd never liked Dally--- but then, for the first time, Ifelt like he was my buddy. And all because he was glad he hadn't killed me.Dally looked out the window. "Uh..." ---he sounded very casual--- "how's thekid?""We just left him," Two-Bit said, and I could tell that he was debating whether totell Dally the truth or not. "I don't know about stuff like this... but... well, he seemedpretty bad to me. He passed out cold before we left him."Dally's jaw line went white as he swore between clenched teeth."Two-Bit, you still got that fancy black-handled switch?""Yeah.""Give it here."Two-Bit reached into his back pocket for his prize possession. It was a jet handledswitchblade, ten inches long, that would flash open at a mere breath. It was the reward oftwo hours of walking aimlessly around a hardware store to divert suspicion. He kept itrazor sharp. As far as I knew, he had never pulled it on anyone; he used his plainpocketknife when he needed a blade. But it was his showpiece, his pride and joy--- everytime he ran into a new hood he pulled it out and showed off with it. Dally knew howmuch that knife meant to Two-Bit, and if he needed a blade bad enough to ask for it,well, he needed a blade. That was all there was to it. Two-Bit handed it over to Dallywithout a moment's hesitation."We gotta win that fight tonight," Dally said. His voice was hard. "We gotta geteven with the Socs. For Johnny."He put the switch under his pillow and lay back, staring at the ceiling. We left.We knew better than to talk to Dally when his eyes were blazing and he was in a moodlike that.We decided to catch a bus home. I just didn't feel much like walking or trying tohitch a ride. Two-Bit left me sitting on the bench at the bus stop while he went to a gasstation to buy some cigarettes. I was kind of sick to my stomach and sort of groggy. I wasnearly asleep when I felt someone's hand on my forehead. I almost jumped out of myskin. Two-Bit was looking down at me worriedly. "You feel okay? You're awful hot.""I'm all right," I said, and when he looked at me as if he didn't believe me, I got alittle panicky. "Don't tell Darry, okay? Come on, Two-Bit, be a buddy. I'll be well bytonight. I'll take a bunch of aspirins.""All right," Two-Bit said reluctantly. "But Darry'll kill me if you're really sick andgo ahead and fight anyway.""I'm okay," I said, getting a little angry. "And if you keep your mouth shut, Darrywon't know a thing.""You know somethin'?" Two-Bit said as we were riding home on the bus. "You'dthink you could get away with murder, living with your big brother and all, but Darry'sstricter with you than your folks were, ain't he?""Yeah," I said, "but they'd raised two boys before me. Darry hasn't.""You know, the only thing that keeps Darry from bein' a Soc is us.""I know" I said. I had known it for a long time. In spite of not having muchmoney, the only reason Darry couldn't be a Soc was us. The gang. Me and Soda. Darrywas too smart to be a greaser. I don't know how I knew, I just did. And I was kind ofsorry.I was silent most of the way home. I was thinking about the rumble. I had a sickfeeling in my stomach and it wasn't from being ill. It was the same kind of helplessnessI'd felt that night Darry yelled at me for going to sleep in the lot. I had the same deathlyfear that something was going to happen that none of us could stop. As we got off the busI finally said it. "Tonight--- I don't like it one bit."Two-Bit pretended not to understand. "I never knew you to play chicken in arumble before. Not even when you was a little kid."I knew he was trying to make me mad, but I took the bait anyway. "I ain'tchicken, Two-Bit Mathews, and you know it," I said angrily. "Ain't I a Curtis, same asSoda and Darry?"Two-Bit couldn't deny this, so I went on: "I mean, I got an awful feelingsomething's gonna happen.""Somethin' is gonna happen. We're gonna stomp the Socs' guts, that's what."Two-Bit knew what I meant, but doggedly pretended not to. He seemed to feelthat if you said something was all right, it immediately was, no matter what. He's beenthat way all his life, and I don't expect he'll change. Sodapop would have understood, andwe would have tried to figure it out together, but Two-Bit just ain't Soda. Not by a longshot.Cherry Valance was sitting in her Corvette by the vacant lot when we came by.Her long hair was pinned up, and in daylight she was even better looking. That Sting Raywas one tuff car. A bright red one. It was cool."Hi, Ponyboy," she said. "Hi, Two-Bit."Two-Bit stopped. Apparently Cherry had shown up there before during the weekJohnny and I had spent in Windrixville."What's up with the big times?"She tightened the strings on her ski jacket. "They play your way. No weapons, fairdeal. Your rules.""You sure?"She nodded. "Randy told me. He knows for sure."Two-Bit turned and started home. "Thanks, Cherry.""Ponyboy, stay a minute," Cherry said. I stopped and went back to her car."Randy's not going to show up at the rumble.""Yeah," I said, "I know.""He's not scared. He's just sick of fighting. Bob..." She swallowed, then went onquietly. "Bob was his best buddy. Since grade school."I thought of Soda and Steve. What if one of them saw the other killed? Would thatmake them stop fighting? No, I thought, maybe it would make Soda stop, but not Steve.He'd go on hating and fighting. Maybe that was what Bob would have done if it had beenRandy instead of him."How's Johnny?""Not so good," I said. "Will you go up to see him?"She shook her head. "No. I couldn't.""Why not?" I demanded. It was the least she could do. It was her boyfriend whohad caused it all... and then I stopped. Her boyfriend..."I couldn't," she said in a quiet, desperate voice. "He killed Bob. Oh, maybe Bobasked for it. I know he did. But I couldn't ever look at the person who killed him. Youonly knew his bad side. He could be sweet sometimes, and friendly. But when he gotdrunk... it was that part of him that beat up Johnny. I knew it was Bob when you told methe story. He was so proud of his rings. Why do people sell liquor to boys? Why? I knowthere's a law against it, but kids get it anyway. I can't go see Johnny. I know I'm tooyoung to be in love and all that, but Bob was something special. He wasn't just any boy.He had something that made people follow him, something that marked him different,maybe a little better, than the crowd. Do you know what I mean?"I did. Cherry saw the same things in Dallas. That was why she was afraid to seehim, afraid of loving him. I knew what she meant all right. But she also meant shewouldn't go see Johnny because he had killed Bob. "That's okay," I said sharply. It wasn'tJohnny's fault Bob was a booze-hound and Cherry went for boys who were bound fortrouble. "I wouldn't want you to see him. You're a traitor to your own kind and not loyalto us. Do you think your spying for us makes up for the fact that you're sitting there in aCorvette while my brother drops out of school to get a job? Don't you ever feel sorry forus. Don't you ever try to give us handouts and then feel high and mighty about it."I started to turn and walk off, but something in Cherry's face made me stop. I wasashamed--- I can't stand to see girls cry. She wasn't crying, but she was close to it."I wasn't trying to give you charity, Ponyboy. I only wanted to help. I liked youfrom the start... the way you talked. You're a nice kid, Ponyboy. Do you realize howscarce nice kids are nowadays? Wouldn't you try to help me if you could?"I would. I'd help her and Randy both, if I could. "Hey," I said suddenly, "can yousee the sunset real good from the West Side?"She blinked, startled, then smiled. "Real good.""You can see it good from the East Side, too," I said quietly."Thanks, Ponyboy." She smiled through her tears. "You dig okay."She had green eyes. I went on, walking home slowly.