Satellite Stomper and Wild Sunflower [Zarry Stylik AU]©️

This elephant needs to die...

Z,

I stared at my cup of steaming tea for the longest time.

I didn't even want tea. I'd prefer coffee but it seemed like a white flag to wave between us. I watched Harry move around me in his kitchen and I knew I had missed him so much. My initial reaction had been a knee-jerk to his return.. It was on impulse. The moment I walked away; I knew I wanted to go back.

I did.

I ran back to that point where we had just been, just to not find him anymore. I was missing him all over again. So, I did the next silly thing: I went to his apartment. He had to be there right?

We would switch between his place and mine. We were about to take that next step of moving in together when it all happened, and we lost control of things. We had been house hunting and everything. We were fine up until the moment we weren't.

I took a car to his apartment, getting into the building by a stroke of luck as a neighbour came out. I rode the elevator to his floor and rang the bell. I rang. And rang until my finger was numb.

I guess he wasn't home yet.

I let my head fall on the door

"I missed you, baby..."

So, I did the second silly thing, which was sitting on the ground, waiting for him to come home. Like a dog waiting to be left inside.

The timer of the lights clicked off and I was left in the dark. The building was quiet, with the occasional sound coming from inside the apartments. I heard laughter, arguments, someone singing and a baby crying. I focused on us, on who we were.

He did it first and then I followed out of revenge. I was hurt and I wanted him to be just as hurt as I was.

I met him in a bar on a night out. I don't care to say his name because it wasn't important. I wasn't myself. It was rough and passionless. I wanted to say I felt I had mine after that, but it made me feel terrible. When I told Harry I watched his entire life crumble. He didn't ask any questions. He just cried.

I cried too.

We didn't talk for a few days, and I tried my best to make the entire situation better. I did pretty things, so he'd smile for me, and I'd try to smile through it. Deep down, I knew we needed to talk, and I knew we needed to explain what we both had done.

I guess I wasn't ready to hear.

I wasn't ready to say it either.

My love for him is undeniable. I am no one without him and he knows this. It was one thing to think of him at a distance, even so far away from me. But now...

He was back. Back home. Back to me. Against all my judgment I understood that tonight was for us. I understood that tonight was for us to talk.

That I couldn't avoid it anymore. I couldn't pretend everything was 'fine'.

Harry sat across from me in his living room. A coffee table between us with old magazines and a beautiful plate adorned the piece. Beneath our feet a fluffy white carpet, which matched the grey sofa I sat on, and the matching armchair Harry occupied.

He was nervous I could tell. He kept touching his hair, scrunching up his nose and doing that thing with his eyebrows. His lips were moving, but his voice sounded distant. I could almost bet he was making conversation to fill up the quiet space.

He hated silence.

"...And then I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to come with all my stuff..." He added. "Had to leave something behind with Tom. I was dreading the whole opening of the suitcase at the airport and taking things out. That's so embarrassing." He smiled a little. "But lucky for me I didn't. I got everything. I have a lot of clothes! I might sell them-"