married at 16: Scars that bloomed into strength.

episode 14 "Tears in the silence, even strong girls break"

"What ever Allah does has a reason, all you need in the journey of life is faith, hope and patience."

-Bismillah-

Two weeks later

In order for a person to realise what she got, she either have to lose it or go through something near it. Sometimes the journey of life can be tough, rough, complicated and hard at the same time. This is something that happens to everyone and if one doesn't embrace the moment and take it in good faith, you might suddenly get confused or dragged behind which will lead to losing your faith, and I learn this in the hard way. Losing my mom at an early age was not something that I had expected. When I was younger, I had dreamt of mom getting old, playing with my children and Jamal's.
It hurts the most when I have to sit and remember her knowing that she will never come back. It hurts when I have to explain to samira that every living soul shall taste death. It hurts so bad. It hurts when I have to remember the last time I saw mom in the dead house, it also hurts when I have to remember samira and Amir. It hurts when I run to mom's room and find an empty bed. It hurts more when I see jamal who was supposed to be stronger crying. It just hurts, everything hurts. But I still have hope and faith in Allah. I know we can still survive without her, it's just gonna be hard knowing that she's never gonna be around to tell me what's wrong and what's right. But it's okay 'with every hardship comes ease' that's the promise of Allah and I surely believe in it. Maybe, just maybe this is what is best for us.

"Sami when are you guys opening school," I break the silence running my hands through Amir's silky hair. Samira lies on one lap while Amir lies on the other, jamal and Abdul Hamid are sitting on the other side of the bed. We are all at mom's room at this moment because dad advice us to do so in order for the kids not to think too much about mom's departure.

"Tomorrow I guess.....you?" She asked tiptoeing her fingers.
"The same I guess," stressing the s. She stared at me and laugh. I did the same and picked up the phone that was ringing.

"Asalamualaikum habibty," someone said from the other side of the phone.
"Waalaikumsalam warahmatullahi," I replied.
"Uhmmm....who's it please?" I asked genuinely not knowing who the person was.

"It's me, I mean your aunt Ruqqaiya," she exclaimed.
"Oh...... sorry auntie I couldn't recognise your voice. How are you and the family," I asked politely.
"It's okay dear, I should be the one calling more often. They're all doing great alhamdullilah.....uhmm I wanted to ask whether you will be having time this weekend," she proposed and I widen my eyes. Samira and amir chuckle at my facial expressions.

"Yeah I guess.....guys we're not gonna be busy right?" I asked my siblings while keeping the phone away from my mouth.
"Yup we will In shaa Allah," jamal winked teasingly.
"Yes auntie," I replied being certain of what I'm saying.
"Okay, y'all come to my house on Saturday ok," she said.

"We will In shaa Allah....thanks auntie. Can I bring along jamila and baraka?" I asked.
"Why not? Yes you can sweetie. You all take care ok, Asalamualaikum!" She responded.
"Waalaikumsalam," I replied and I waited for her to ring off. I looked at jamal and he rolled his eyes as if I've said something wrong.

"I'm out, not going at all. I can't stand her," he spit the words out.
"Don't bring that up please," I said feeling tired of all the dramas.
"Enjoy zahra, go with the kids I will be watching the house okay," with that he gets up and leave. I wake Abdul Hamid and Amir up and sent them to their various rooms because they were already asleep. I place samira properly on the bed not forgetting to make dua on all of them. I close all the doors and went upstairs to the last floor to check on my brother.

☆☆☆☆☆

"Jamal can you please tell me what's wrong, I want to help," I said truthfully standing at the entrance. He move his body a little bit holding part of the building.
"Jamaal," knowing that he already heard what I said, I called again, this time in low tune.
"Jamaaal, please," this time I raise my voice a little bit.