married at 16: Scars that bloomed into strength.

Episode 27 " Tears in one city, smiles in another"

Yasir's POV

When I think about how far I've come, I realize there's still a lot I need to work on. That I am nothing without Allah, and this life is just a test.

I've tried my best to please my family, to protect them, and to be the best husband I could be but these days, it feels incredibly hard. No one notices my tears, how hard I've fought, or how painful it is to be mistreated.

Yes, I know it's a test. Yes, I'm trying to build my character. But sometimes, it feels like I'm losing. I feel horrible... and unworthy as a man.

No one man or woman deserves to be in a toxic relationship.

I've come to understand, as a man, that society rarely listens to our struggles. It's never really about us.

And yeah... that cuts deep.

My wife hurt me yeah, she did. I didn't know she could be this cruel. Why would she agree to this marriage if she had nothing to offer? Why is she hurting me so deeply when all I've ever done is try to protect her? And why am I not even mad at her but at myself?

Broken, desperate, helpless, unworthy, pathetic. Yeah, the whole nine yards. I've never in my life felt so embarrassed, humiliated, and rejected like I did today. Today will be a day to remember.

To say Zahra didn't hurt me would be a lie. I didn't know that falling in love would make me lose myself. How dare she let me fall for her so slowly, only to throw me away like an outcast?

Yes, I do love her. I knew it after the slap. I knew what I felt for her was different. But now the question is what should I do? How do I stop loving her? She's clearly a devil in sheep's clothing. I can't love a devil. That's too much.

But what about Mom, Dad, and my twin sister? What about her dad? What about me a failed husband? A man who can't even manage his own marriage? Is that who I am now?

My mind is spinning. I can't take this.

"Yasir, your dad will be fine. You can go home and rest. Call your wife before she worries I texted her to ask about you. Her phone was off, I guess," she said. She noticed my mood. She knew I wasn't just sad about Dad. But she didn't press, because she knows better. I can't share my marriage problems not right now.

"Okay," I said softly, then left her to look after Dad. As I walked to my car, my phone buzzed. Zahra had called ten times and sent six messages. This doesn't work. She already hurt me. Why does she care where I am now?

I unlocked my phone and read the messages:
     "Yasir, where are you?"
     "Come back, please. Your dad is sick."
    "I'm sorry for what happened."
     "You don't deserve this."
      "Yasir?"
      "talk to me."

That was all she said. I wanted desperately to call her but I couldn't. She hurt me. She has to know that. Who slaps her husband, anyway?

My reply:

"You don't have to come over. I'm fine, and my dad is okay too."

I hesitated, then added:

"And yes, I'll send you money for the Uber. I'm not coming to drop you off tomorrow."

I paused... then hit send.

I don't know how this marriage is going to end, but I hope I don't lose my sabr. I won't let my guard down again. Of course I love her I'm not going to hurt her but I'll make sure she knows what she did was wrong.

I drove home, took a bath, prayed Isha, and
"You don't have to come over. I'm fine, and my dad is okay too."

Yasir's message brought a wave of relief. At least he was okay.