married at 16: Scars that bloomed into strength.

Episode 24 "Istikhara and the unknown"

Zahra's POV~~~(My choice, my cage)

Happy home, happy life. That's what they say right?
Well, I'm not gonna get either.

Part of me feels like I've been sold out like an outcast, but the other part says different and that, that speaks volumes.
It's my choice anyway. No one forced me or anything.

I'm sixteen today by the way. Tomorrow, getting married too. It's weird right? Yeah, I thought the same.
I feel like they should have done better. I mean, they didn't even ask whether I'm okay or not with the whole marriage thing. That's selfish.

I feel numb and drained. Drained with the whole situation.
This is what my life has come down to.

I figured my story would be one of hope, trust, faith, and resilience.
Perhaps that's why I'm still stuck, isn't it?
Or maybe this is actually going to be my end.
Or maybe, just maybe, I can find peace someday. Is it?

Or perhaps I'll turn into a monster to fall in love because Yasir is actually a monster.
I mean—a human can't really fall in love with a monster unless she joins the crew.
And that, that is what I'm going to be.
A monster. His nightmare.

Perhaps when the divorce comes from him, the world wouldn't blame me anymore for not putting family first.

"Teet"my notification sounded.

"Thank you, see you tomorrow. Asalamualaikum!" she replied from the other end.
"You are welcome, love. Sweet dreams. Waalaikumsalam."
I pressed send and turned off my phone.

I rolled down from the bed to go and perform ablution for Isha.
I prayed Isha, Witr, and Istikhara already. It's as if a weight has been lifted from me. A heavy one.

I prayed for a happy life contradicting myself, my actions, and the decision I'm about to make.
But I also know that deep down, that's exactly what I'm craving for.
And Allah knows what lies in our hearts.

Nikkah~~~(Between kohl and kaftan)

The hot sun slapped my face as I turned to grumble.
Jamila—such a jerk. How can she open the windows like that while I'm asleep? Who does that?

"Swee, get up! Today's your big day," she said, grabbing my hand and dragging me off the bed.
"Jamila! Jamila, what are you doing?" I whispered-screamed, trying to bite her hand to let go.
She finally dropped my hand and threw me my toothbrush and toothpaste.

I took a bath, ate some snacks, and dressed up for my wedding.
A wedding I dread.
Never thought I'd be this strong to accept it all... but here I come.

"Gurllll you look pretty! Allahumma Barik, I love your dress," Jamal complimented as he came from behind.
I looked at myself in the mirror and yes, I looked pretty.

No makeup.
No baby hairs.
No earrings showing.
No heels.
Nothing.

Just a simple sky-blue dress with butterfly patterns, a plain hijab, and flat shoes.

"Thank you, swee. You don't look bad yourself," I said, and he smiled.
He was wearing African wear navy blue kaftan with a white kufi and white marakiz.
I'm so happy for him. At least he's starting his new life with the woman of his dreams.

"Wait," I turned back.
"Put a little kohl on your eyes. Please," I said, handing it to him.
He walked to the mirror and applied it.

"Done," he said, giving it back.
I placed it back on the dressing table.

"Are you happy, Zahra?" he asked with concern, sitting me down on the bed.

"Huuuu," I took a deep breath.
"I'm okay, Jamal. Don't worry about me, okay? Cheer up, today's your big day."
I stood up, patting his back.