SOUR , m. sturniolo ✓

x. epilogue

oh my god, look at your face.

it's gonna hurt to watch that smile fade.

oh no, you think it's fate,

but your hearts gonna break.

i know we'll figure this out. 

we'll find our way back somehow.

but this is goodbye for now.

every night, i close my eyes.

i wish i was still in love.

trying to fight, at war with my mind.

it's gonna kill me to give you up.

darling this is gonna hurt.

no, i won't regret it.

'cause i loved you first,

but someone will love you better.

celeste,

hey cel.

i read your letters. every single one.

and i'm sorry. 

for what i did. for how i treated you in the weeks leading up to our breakup.

i have no excuse. i was being stupid. 

and you're right. the problem isn't you. it was me. it was all me.

i fell out of love.

i didn't think it would happen. not in a million years. but it happened.

and i would be up so late at night thinking about how i wasn't in love with you anymore

and how i could end things without hurting you

but at the end, it hurt you anyway.

i was so mad at myself for hurting you. every time i lashed out, i took it back in my head.

even though it wasn't physical, i could always see how my words cut you open and i felt terrible.

until i finally couldn't take it.

i couldn't take hurting you anymore. and as much as it killed me because i really did love you so much, i had to do it.

i had to leave.

i know we will never go back to how it used to be.

but i'm willing to start over, if you are.

put it all in the past and be friends again, if you're willing.

so hi,

i'm matt. i'm nineteen years old and i have a youtube channel with my triplet brothers. i made a really bad mistake a couple months ago and the one thing i want most in the world is to tell the girl i used to love that i'm sorry.

i'm so fucking sorry for everything. 

no, i don't regret breaking up with you. i'm happy with her, i really am. and i hope you guys can get along.

but i do regret everything else.

i shouldn't have made you feel like you were the issue. because you weren't.

and if i could go back and tell you that on the day we ended, i would. i would tell you everything.

i don't know why i didn't.

love,

matt.