Bemusements; or, How a Man Finds Himself Masturbating and Unwell

Chapter 8 - Pixies in the Bronx

Chapter 8 - Pixies in the Bronx

King finally arrived with Steve at his side with the items we hopefully have and need. Helios has become quite the friend, and is extremely close to Hunter. We will save him from himself. We will contribute everything we have in our power to this end.

"There we go." Steve said. "The 'iko-car-die-oh-grom' has been connected to, uh, 'Helios'."

"Echocardiogram." I helpfully explained.

"And Gus." Steve said. "You're alive again, so I guess you can have this back."

Steve then gave him Gus' Palisman.

"*gasps* Marcostimo!" Gus exclaimed, excited. "I could never have lived in Heaven without you."

"It was willed to Helios, when you... uh, you know, died." Steve explained. "But he didn't have much use for the little guy, so he gave it to me, and told me to 'watch over it until events transpire into something so sublime you couldn't possibly comprehend everything all at once'."

"He must've been possessed by that time." Gus said.

"Well, maybe." Steve said.

"Speaking of which, what knowledge did you garner?" Hunter asked.

"I don't know. Not that much. I'm sorry." Gus explained. "In Heaven, they never really tell you anything. The Titans, I mean. There is technically no God, but a lot of Gods. You kinda just have to find things out for yourself. I did, however, see the passing of Tibbles and his descension to Hell. Yes, hell does exist. And he died in prison."

"Oh, he died?" I asked.

"Because I would've liked to send him personally." Eda said.

"King?" I asked King as he was getting prepared. "What exactly is Helios' mind doing to him? What is he saying to himself?"

"Well, it's not certain and well-documented." King explained. "It is, though, ascertained that it depends on what the individual believes to be what a lie is.

For example, I have two definitions of the word 'lie'. A good lie and a bad one.

A bad lie is a lie that sounds like a truth.

A good lie is a truth that is in a lie, and the way it's presented sounds like bullshit dependent on the person hearing it.

Who knows? Maybe his definition is the same?

Maybe his definition of a lie is a truth in a collection of lies? Maybe he has no definition at all, and that the 'lies' he's telling himself right now are not actually lies, but fragmented truths that conglomerate to a whole that's worth more than the sum of its parts, and in that palpably simplistic way, he really is actually learning something, from himself.

It's up to the person, honestly."

"Wow. That's very well-refined." I complimented.

Then I heard Helios roar a dark, salivated roar. His skin grew whiter, his eyes more black than red, and his hands and feet took the form of something... odd. I could swear I knew what they were, I just hoped I was wrong. And I was right.

His ECG meter bleeped and blooped fast.

Beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep. At a considerable speed and tremendous rhythm. And it was only getting faster.

"What's happening?" I asked.

"The Trance is challenging him." Steve explained as he put some kind of potion down his throat.

"Challenging him?" I asked.

"It's draining his life." Steve said. "Nothing a little bit of this can't do."

"Oh no." Willow lamented.

"His heartbeat is getting faster." Steve regretted. "He's losing his life force. He might not make it.

I then heard Helios utter another heinous, corrupted roar. As if what was supposed to be Helios is getting distorted into something else entirely. And time was only running out.

"King! A little help?" Steve asked.

"On it." King said as he went to Steve in assistance.

"Oh Titan, this is gonna be a hard job." Steve said. "Fun fact about the Trance.

When you wake up from it, either you wake up cursed, or don't wake up at all."

"How is that fun?!!" I shouted.

"Wow, okay! Jeez!" Steve said.

"What does the potion do?" asked Willow.

"I gave him a potion that will try to wake him up from his sleep naturally, faster." Steve explained. "The longer he stays in the Trance, the less chances there are of waking up from it. The more of this stuff I give him, the better. Based on that roar, it seems like he's in some sort of pain. King, give me some anesthesia."

"You got it!" King said.

"Purpledrum leaves? Coffinblancas? *gasps* Even Titan Bones, Gloom Masala, and Plagued Butterflies? King, this more potion stuff than I have in my childhood home collection! And you just have it on you?" Willow exclaimed. "What are you trying to cure? An army of people who succumbed to painbows?"

"Nah, this is just something I put together." King explained, blushing.

"Almost got it..." Steve said. "There we go!"

"What's that?" Amity asked.

"Oh, this? This is preparation." Steve explained. "In all the cases we've looked at that were documented, by the way, and there wasn't a whole lot, a good bunch of those explain that the necromancer would be either cursed or dead. In case he's cursed, these potions would keep his beast form at bay. Kind of like Eda's curse, which from what I've heard, has already been removed?"

"Yup!" Eda said. "I can't be a squib Secretary of State. So I had to consult the former head of the Healing Coven and she begrudgingly gave me this hat, right? Now, I can do magic again!"

"Whoop!!!" I yelled.

"Now, we don't exactly know what form he'll take." Steve explained. "That's why I'm using 'Miscellany Brews', they're anti-cursive potions which can keep a different array of curses at bay, but because they're non-specific, non-discriminatory anti-cursives, they might be pretty mild. So that's why I'm making ten of them. And I'm making three as we speak!"

"What's that?" Willow asks.

"Well," Steve said: "there's also the possibility that he could die in his Trance, or worse: a possibility I haven't mentioned yet - wake up in his beast form, permanently. If it comes to that case, then we're going to borrow Gus' casket which to bury him i-"

Then Willow so disrespectfully and with disregard, but with good intent, shreds the coffin into pieces with her vine magic.

"-what the- how did y- Augh!!! We were going to use that!!!" Steve complained.

"No one is going to die, no one is going to get buried." Willow stridently said. "Now, you and King are going to save Helios with the utmost stringent effort, because we are not taking a life for another. Helios started this, you're going to help him finish it. We are going to all come out of this alive and well, using our buff brains!"

"Hmph," Hunter said: "haven't heard that in a minute."

"Willow's right." Amity said. "No one is coming out of this dead. Helios made this mess, we're gonna complain to him about it."

"Yeah!" I said.