Before I could be taught, I needed to learn the Price.
What it costs, living on both sides.
"You give as much as, often more than you take.
That's what it means to live this way."
Before I could harm, I needed to learn how to heal.
First, myself, then all others in need.
You're required to learn how to respect it.
Before you can practice it.
This new knowledge wasn't a blessing.
Nor is it completely a curse.
It's in my lineage.
Yes, they wanted to protect me from it.
But destiny cares not what you or I want, does it?
It comes for us, for better or worse, always.
I was recovering in the hospital.
Eating Jello.
It's one thing to be blissfully ignorant.
Quite another to know.
Everything changes when you do.
My favorite Jello lost its taste.
I still ate it though.
Staring into the empty cup, I thought,
"Now I know. Now what?"
When you know,
those who have come before,
the ones on the other side,
those on this side,
never leave you alone.
They stay close.
As someone new,
you get much attention.
All eyes on you.
They're watching you to ensure you follow the rules.
They, however, did more than watch me.
They made unprecedented bedside visit.
Seemingly appearing out of invisible air.
I think they thought that would garner fear.
But I wasn't scared.
Somehow, I guess, their visit, I expected it.
Digging into that tasteless Jello I had a few questions for them:
"Where were you?!!"
I lost my wife and kids yet you stood by, did nothing, watched it all happen.
"Where were you?!!"
You have power to affect the course of human history in a positive way.
Yet you stand by and do nothing!
"What good are you?!!"
Their reactions made a me a little scared.
Like "How dare I!"
But I've learned when fear grips you, you push on.
A withdraw is not the thing to do.
Push on in the face of fear.
Let it not stop you.
Though years of trying humbleness and quiet, I've never been a coward.
I've always been bold and not mild tempered.
And unafraid to speak to Power in that manner.
Sometimes Power needs to be spoken to in tones no other:
5 Elders.
In the dark of night, in a hospital, they visited me.
The moment I saw them I knew what they were.
These were the Powerful who silently live among the weak.
The Gods of my lineage, quietly existing among mortal men, so to speak.
Beings who have excelled beyond the paltry science school had taught me.
They could see in my face no small measure of disdain.
Not to mention the tone in which I was speaking.
Grandma casted me a nasty look
and said you must forgive my son.
He has much to learn.
"Boy gather your sense or hold your tongue!
You will show all due respect or this meeting is done!''
My body language said "Feel free to leave. Go on!"
This was my grandmother. But really, she was stranger to me, this woman.
Being humble for so long,
a fire had contained itself within me for far too long.
I let loose it the day I put my family in the ground.
And anyone who knows me, that fire they come to understand.
It's who I am.
"Apologies.
I'm still recovering from my injuries and all the drugs the hospital gave me.
I know not what I say.
And I say again, with respect,
the world is a mess.
Evil has prospered in it.
What reason have you elders to sit by and do nothing?!!!!!!
With all due respect."
Grandma was of course furious.
With all the exertions, my wounds reopened.
I was bleeding again.
"Will you heal me?
I imagine you have power to.
Yet, for some reason, haven't."
The leader of this group responded
"No.
Heel yourself, boy!
Bring your words and spirit to heel or we will!
Let that be your first lesson.
We owe you no explanations, no reasons.
We answer not to you!
We've but come to see.
Only to look upon you.
Gale, some boy you have here.
I can't believe that he....."
"You can't believe that I what?"
They wouldn't tell me.
And with that, 4 elders removed themselves from my sight.
While the 5th stood at my bedside with an "I could kill you" look in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, grandma.
But it's who I am.
And if you've been paying attention, you know that am I."
"You'd think one who was just delivered from Death's grasp would have more appreciation for his saviors."
"I'm thankful.
But not forgetful.
My body is broken.
Yet my mind remains whole.
You and your, your Friends have much to answer for.
And I have many questions."
"Son, you'll get your answers.
But you don't know it all.
You think you're angry.
Wait till you see ours.
You initiation begins tomorrow.
I'll return.
And when I do mind your tone."
And with that, off she went, there she goes.
Vanishing, as the other elders.
My roommate, who later became my friend,
apparently witnessed the whole encounter.
He was wise to remain silent.
They might've wiped his memory had they known he was privy.
In the morning, the room was alive with laughter.
His family came to visit.
4 beautiful daughters and their beautiful mother.
Hugs, kisses, good wishes and laughter.
He introduced them, to his new friend.
Of course, he didn't know, the whole of it.
He heard a little. But not all of it.
He only knows I lost them.
But not the circumstances.
He was being kind.
Yet with that one act of kindness, another injury reopened.
He had no idea the harm he'd just done.
That his family gave cruel memory of my own.
Who were long gone.
It was hard to watch them.
Hard indeed.
Not envy.
Just hard for me.
"Were it not for my immobility I would leave.
Close your eyes and go back to sleep."
Very hard, indeed.
