Church: Yeah, I'll let you in on a little secret. I've uh... I've actually got a girl back home.
Tucker: Oh yeah? Girlfriend or wife?
Church: No, man, she's just my girlfriend, you know? We were gonna get married, but... I got shipped out, and... ah, you know how it works.
Tucker: Oh, well, are you gonna marry her when you get back?
Caboose: I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Church: Hey, Rookie! Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
Tucker: No, I think he called her a slut.
Church: I'll tell you what, noob. I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long. But as it turns out, I got a more important job for you to do.
Caboose: Great.
Church: See, we've got this general.
Tucker: Right, the... general guy.
Church: Who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do is, I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention. Just in case he decides to come by.
Caboose: When is he coming by?
Tucker: We never know. Could be today, could be a week from now.
Caboose: You want me to stand for attention for a week?
Church: You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base! You're going to be right with the flag!
Caboose: What's so important about the flag?
Church: Aw, come on! Don't they teach you guys anything in training?
Caboose: They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?
Church: Because it's the flag, man. You know, it's th- it's the flag! It's... Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important.
Tucker: Well, it's... it's complicated! Uh, it's blue, we're blue...
Church: It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the general comes by, the flag first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag.
Tucker: Right.
Church: So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him.
*Caboose goes to the Blue Base to "guard the flag"*
Caboose:[pauses] Uh, how will I know when I see him?
Tucker: There's only three of us out here, Rookie. He's going to be the guy that doesn't look like us.
Church: Now get in there and don't come out!
*Caboose then goes to Blue Base*
Church:[to Tucker] Man! That guy is dumber than you are!
Tucker: You mean he's dumber than YOU are.
Church:[sarcastic] Wow, Tucker. That was a great comeback.
Caboose: *exits the base* Uh, Mr. Church? Sir?
Church: Oh, my God! WHAT!? *to Tucker* Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him!
Caboose: Sorry about calling your girl a slut.
Church: ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY! GET IN THERE!
*as Caboose re-enters the base Tucker lets out a chuckle*
Church: Tucker? Are you laughin' at me?
*Donut comes by and asks the Blues*
Donut: Excuse me, sir? Can I ask you a question?
Church: Dear God in heaven, Rookie, if I turn around and you are not inside, I-I can't be responsible for what I'm going to you!
Donut: What did I do?
Church: ONE!
Donut: Aw, give me a break!
Church: TWO!
Donut: Fine! *enters Blue Base*
Church: Finally-
*Just when Church was about to relax Blitz punches his face Tucker sees this and tries to shoot Blitz but he dodges and leaps behind him then he KICKS him in the face so hard that he's knocked out for a while*
Tucker:[knocked out] Fuck...
Church: *wakes up but is still temporarily sleepy* FUck... *gets knocked out again by Blitz*
Blitz: Assholes.
In Blue Base
*The Rookies meet each other*
Caboose: Wow! You got here fast!
Donut: Why is everybody so frickin' rude in this canyon?
Caboose: I'm not, sir! What can I do for ya?
Donut: Finally, some other person with a little respect around here!
Caboose: Yes, sir! I assume you're here because of this. *points to the flag*
Donut: Wait.
*oh no the talk of the biggest idiots in RvB is about to begin*
Donut: Is this all you have?
Caboose: Uh, yes, sir. That's it!
Donut: Aw, man! This figures. Shit. What about elbow grease?
Caboose: Um...
Donut: Headlight fluid?
Caboose: Nope. All we have is the flag.
Donut: Well, I can't go back empty-handed. I guess I'll take that.
Caboose: Sure! That makes sense. I guess.
Donut: *picks up the flag* Man. They're going to give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag.
Outside the Base
*Blitz is waiting for Donut to come back with the flag then Donut goes outside to see Blitz waiting for him*
Blitz: Hey.
Donut: Hey.
Blitz: Okay it's time to go back to the motherfuckin' base! *pulls out his Assult Rifle in case the Blues wake up and they as they go back to base the Blues wake up*
Church: Ow my fuckin' head.
Tucker: Jesus that guy was like a demon.
Church: That's because he probably is.
Tucker: And who the FUCK is running this army?!
Caboose: Hey! Just wanted to let you know, the general stopped by and picked up the flag!
Church:[in pain] YEAH, OKAY. WHATEVER, MORON! *as he stands up he realizes what he just said* Wait a second. What did he just say?
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue with one Helluva Visitor: Blood Gulch Chronicles
FanfictionBlitz was having the worst days of his life after that incident at Ozzie's, Blitz decided that he needed to get some air on Earth but it didn't look right Blitz decided to enter the portal but in doing so he accidentally trapped himself there. With...
