Going After Heaven (Mafia Romance)

Chapter Forty Two

HEAVEN:

I relax into Gabriele's hold as he cradles me and I smell something other than the rawness of pleasure, something with a metallic stench.

I know my hymen has been stretched open. We're linked. And for what it was, they aren't a better man deserving of this. Of me.

His arms wrap around me protectively and his jaw nuzzles my temple gently. I wrap my arms around him and let go of my bite on his neck. I don't need to be told that I have marked him with my teeth and nails, though unintentionally.

We remain still, our heartbeats finding their way back to the usual rhythm with every lazy breath we take.

I feel exposed yet cloaked.

Exposed to a side of me that had gone extinct, that was laid bare, empty, and completely void of emotions or desire. Now I feel cloaked, filled up, and protected. That room my heart was making for him, he didn't disappoint with filling it up.

I chuckle.

We are not saying anything, not because we do not have much to say, but because what we have to say will change everything if we let ourselves say them.

So I clip my tongue with my teeth and push everything away. I strip myself of the thoughts of tomorrow. I throw them into the dungeon of things not to be remembered. I wait till I hear it hit the floor. I let out a warm breath as the clinking sound echoes in my head. Never to be remembered. For now.

Gabriele clamps down some more from the effect of that breath against the skin of his neck. His length, still inside me, stiffens.

"Thank you," he drawls, followed by a deep exhale before planting sweet kisses on my temple that make the bees in my stomach whoosh.

I may not have had a sexually active life but I am not a novice to the topic. It's hard to be a novice at anything these days. Everything I learned about sex was against my will and sponsored by Helena then cheered on by Gael. I don't think thank you is what people say to each other after sex, but still, it feels right to say it here. To hear him say it and to say it back. Because it wasn't just me giving. He wasn't just receiving. Everything I gave I was given double in return. Everything he took he gave more.

"Thank you" I plant a kiss on the bite mark on his neck. He stiffens from that action.

"No, thank you. For this gift of yourself that you've given me Heaven, I have known happiness to a certain degree but nothing comes close to this, you've given me access to bliss" his hands move to my butt cheeks and he digs his fingers in before lifting me. "I am not worthy of it"

Nonsense.

I lift my head away from the corner of his neck to look at his face, "you're worthy of this and more" I say not letting my eyes waver as I take in what I feel will be emotions in those eyes for the first time since I have known him.

"It is not that I think that I am not worthy of or deserving of good things," he gives a curt smile. "I know I am not worthy and deserving of you, not as a man, but because of the things I have done and the pain I will cost you" he rests his forehead on mine, "I am sorry" he breathes out. "I am so sorry" he kisses the brink of my nose.

I understand him. Tomorrow he will be no more and to open myself and my heart to a man that is only here for a short while is a pain that cuts deeper than any sharp object ever can.

I nod and rest my head on his collarbone. Looking for reasons I can mould into the cover for the dungeon of things not to be remembered. I need to keep my resolve.

He walks with me in his arms up the stairs, his hands gripping my butt, my fingers clamping on his shoulder blades, and my legs wrapping around him.

He moves me to the bed, settles on one leg and very tenderly pulls out of me. I wince, biting down on my teeth as his length slips out.