Midst of Yesterday ✔️

Kabanata 23

Life without you

"Baby... I know I was irresponsible, I let you be alone around her and I'm sorry, please wake up... Please..." 

Mumunting tinig ang mga nakikinig ko, malabo at paulit-ulit. Gusto kong imulat ang mga mata ko pero hindi ko pa kaya

"Wake up now, I miss you. Come back to me... "

Kumikirot ang puso ko pero wala akong magawa, hindi ko maimulat ang mga mata ko, parang wala akong lakas

"I'll be waiting, hindi ako mapapagod na hintayin ka. Hihintayin kita palagi."

Calyx James Buenaventura was waiting for me all his life, he never gets tired and that confuse me on how much does he loves me? What will he get if he chooses me? What will the benefit if he sacrifices his whole life just for me? He spends his life waiting, loving and pleasing me. 

"My Cheina, wake up now. I want to see your smile again, I want to hear your voice, I want to hug you again."

"Life without you was a mess, don't leave me huh? Let's get married, let's create a happy family. Baby, don't leave me like this, okay? I'll wait for you; I'll stay by your side until you wake up."

"Hi baby, I bought you flowers! I love you!"

Naramdaman ko ang paghaplos niya sa akin, sa aking mga kamay at marahang paghalik sa aking noo

"Hey baby, I bought your favorite scent!"

"Hi, my Cheina, I miss you. It's been a week; I'm missing you every single day."

"Baby... don't give up on me, okay? Don't give up for our.... baby."

Hindi ko man maidilat ang mga mata ko, at natutulog pa ang katawan ko ay nakikinig ko siya araw-araw. Bawat minuto, bawat oras na kasama ko siya

So, I'm really pregnant? I have to wake up for my baby, for our baby. They need me.

Bumagsak ang lahat ng iniisip ko ng kahit sa loob ng isip ko ay tuluyang naging itim ang lahat.

                 "C-Cheina...." Unti-unti akong nagmulat ng aking mga mata, mabigat pa ang mga talukap ko pero gustong-gusto ko nang magmulat ng tuluyan

"Baby... " Marahan kong inabot ang pisngi ni Calyx at hinaplos 'yun

Hinawakan niya 'yun at marahang hinalikan

"You're awake, I missed you..." Nakita ko ang paglamlam ng mga mata niya, para bang pagod din siya at wala man lang tulog

Inilibot ko ang paningin sa kabuohan ng silid ng hospital, agad na hinanap ng mga kamay ko ang aking tyan

"H-how's our baby?" Masaya siyang ngumiti sa akin at dinamayan ang palad ko na nasa aking tyan

"The baby is okay, he's strong. Thank you for waking up... " Hinahaplos niya ang aking buhok at madamdamin akong tinitigan, kitang-kita sa mga mata niya ang labis na pagmamahal 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I was pregnant" Kahit nahihirapan ang mga mata ko ay pilit kong tinatanaw ang aking tyan na natatakluban ng aking suot na hospital gown.

"Shh, it's not your fault. I'm happy that you're both safe. I almost lose you again." His eyes filled with tears so fast, hindi ko man lang namalayan na nakayuko na siya habang hawak ang mga kamay ko at mahinang humihikbi

"Cal... Calyx"

"I was so scared; I didn't know what to do, halos mawalan ako ng lakas ng makita kang nakahiga at walang malay. Takot na takot akong mawala ka sa akin... I'm sorry, I'm sorry baby..." He sobbed like a lost child, like he was abandoned, like he was alone.

"Hindi ko alam kung anong magagawa ng kahit anong yaman dito sa mundo kung kinuha ka sa akin ng Panginoon, I didn't know how to actually live if the reason why I'm here is going to leave me... "

"Hindi naman kita iiwan, I promised you, right? I won't leave, God saw us struggling without each other, he knows how we love each other. He won't take me; he will let us have our own happy ending." I assured him with my gentle smile

"You are the reason why I learned to love, my first love, my first heartbreak. The first flowers that I treasured the most, the first best memories, the first real struggle and the first real happiness was because of you. I love you so much my Calyx." 

Tumayo siya at sinakop ang aking labi, he kissed me gentle--with sincerity, with love. 

I respond to his kisses, how I miss his lips. How I wish that we continue this kind of purest love, gustong-gusto ko siya sa paraan na kahit anong sagabal pa sa relasyon namin ay wala na akong pakialam basta lang magkasama kami.

His love makes me so strong and weak at the same time, strong to face anything and weak from his hugs and kisses.

The love that he offers was overwhelming at first, because it was too much to handle. I didn't know that in this kind of world, there's a man who will willingly give you everything without asking, there's a man in this world that will make you feel special without begging for it. You will never crave for anything, because he will give you the assurance that you need. 

Calyx was that man, who will give you anything even it's impossible. He will cross the ranging wave just to give the satisfaction that I want. 

I don't deserve his love because he loves me too much, I don't deserve how he beg AND how he cried because of me. 

But because I don't deserve him doesn't mean his not for me, our love to each other is maybe not in the same level but our emotion does, the struggle was, the sacrifices was. 

I love him to the core, I love him to every universe, I love him from the moment I saw him when I was twelve years old. I love him whoever man he wants to be.

Siya ang kaisa-isang lalaki na masasabi ko na kung hindi siya, hindi nalang.

The emotion was overwhelming because I've been stuck in the midst of our yesterday, I've been in an illusion that I created by myself.

But here's my reality, it's the present of our yesterday. It was the future of us, without the painful and dark yesterday. 

We are here in the present, with our unborn baby.