Stitching these Wounds (Michael Jackson)

11. Tension

[Michael]

•••

May 31st, 1976

"Michael!"

Upon hearing my teacher shout my name out as she stood in front of me, my head jolted up from where it had been resting on the cool, hard desk of my Pre-Calculus classroom. My heart was practically trying to escape the inside of my chest, and I couldn't stop the rapid rising and falling that resulted because of my teacher's aggressive outburst. I fluttered open my droopy excuses for eyes, seeing my teacher lower her glasses on the bridge of her nose as the look at disappointment violated her face, her hand resting comfortably on her hip as a few annoyed tssssk!s escaped her lips. Rubbing my eyes tiredly, I couldn't help the flushed-red color of my cheeks, occurring from my embarrassment, as I could feel everyone's judgmental stares piercing through me.

Ever since the spat that had happened between Imani and I, falling into the slumber that I longed for so badly, didn't seem possible. I was desperately trying to catch up on my rest, even if that meant my grades were slipping and I was falling asleep in class. On top of the stress of the undetermined state of our relationship, I had been relentlessly searching for jobs in the newspaper, since that spat had put my job and entire family in jeopardy—to put it bluntly—Imani was the primary reason I'd gotten fired. Most of the jobs I'd found had conflicted with my school schedule or they'd refused to interview me because I was black, which is why it was so crucial for me to have kept my last job. Even though they treated me like the scum of the Earth, it, unfortunately, wasn't anything I wasn't used to, and my father constantly repeating "You're nothing but a deadweight!" was all the motivation I needed to push through and continue hunting. Either way, that was then and this was now, and right now, I was faced with the death glare I was receiving from my teacher.

"So, Michael?" My teacher started, obviously irritated and partially confused with my unusual behavior. "What's the answer?" She was referring to the equation written on the chalkboard in front of me.

I rubbed the back of my neck, sheepishly looking around the room, hoping someone would be nice enough to mouth the answer to me. As expected, nothing was uttered and all eyes remained on me. "Uhhh," I laughed nervously. "Could you repeat the question?" I flashed my teacher a cheesy yet awkward smile, crossing my fingers and hoping that she would get the message and pass the question along to someone else to spare me any further embarrassment. Thankfully, she did just that, but the feeling of guilt settled into my system as I thought about my poor academic performance as of lately, twiddling with my thumbs before I threw my head in my hands. I'd always been a fairly good student, and if I noticed myself falling down a rabbit-hole, surely my teachers did as well.

The rest of class continued as usual, but occasionally, I felt the urge to drift off back into my previous state of relaxation. Every so often, my eyes slowly started shutting as I rested my chin in my hands, and I had to fight the feeling to just give in in that moment. I leaned my head forward slightly, feeling the sweet bliss wash over me, but when my forehead met the surface of the desk as I started to lose consciousness, I immediately jerked my neck to sit up, praying that my teacher didn't notice—even though the sound of the bang! made it painfully obvious.

"Alright, that's lunch," my teacher announced at the sound of the bell. I stood up from my desk, nearly losing my balance, the lack of sleep I'd received causing waves of dizziness to make themselves known within me. I sighed heavily as I began packing up my materials, grabbing my binder and holding it close to my chest, preparing to join the stampede of students in the hallway, awaiting the moment I'd be able to blend in with everyone, if even for a second, to regain some kind of normalcy in my life. "Except you." My heart dropped. I held on to the fact that she could've been talking to another student, until I realized that I was the only one left in the classroom.