Stitching these Wounds (Michael Jackson)

6. Guilt

[Imani]

•••

May 9th, 1976

I stood completely still, unsure of what to say next after Michael's question. My hands fidgeted restlessly with each other in my nervous habit as he continued looking at me in complete shock. I could feel his Katherine's concerned gaze staring right through me as I attempted to find the right words to say.

"Your mother invited me over," I informed Michael, finally lifting my gaze from the ground and to his.

Instantly, I saw Michael's face change from shock to confusion as he looked at Katherine for confirmation. "Is that true, Mother?" he asked, his brow raised.

She nodded, guiding me to the kitchen table. "Yes," Katherine answered as she pulled out a chair for me before I sat down. "When you came home yesterday, I noticed that you didn't seem like yourself after coming back from Imani's house, which isn't like you." She paused, walking over to the counter to begin preparing another breakfast plate. "So, while you were getting ready this morning, I gave her a call to make sure that everything was okay."

"Mother—"

"Michael, you guys have known each other since you were six," Katherine continued on, placing a plate full of food in front of me. "I'm sure that whatever is going on can be fixed with a little bit of communication." Or...bending the truth a little bit.

Michael's eyes darted straight at me, and I couldn't help but let my gaze fall to the floor once again. He walked closer to the table, pulling out a chair to finally comply with Katherine's suggestion. "I guess we could give it a try," he muttered, and I felt my uneasiness settle down a bit.

Katherine smiled graciously at us. "I'd say that's definitely the best option," she stated as she started walking out of the room. "Well, I'll let you guys talk, and I'm sure that you'll work everything out. You always do." Of course, that was before I was being tortured against my will...

Once Katherine was completely out of sight, I looked at Michael, giving him a small smile. He returned it, which encouraged me to begin the conversation I'd been dreading.

"Are you doing any better?" Michael questioned, hoping to spark up a conversation.

"Much better," I half-lied, giving him the best genuine smile I could.

A faint smile appeared on Michael's lips before he began picking at his Afro for many moments. He then let his head collapse into his hands, sighing deeply. "Imani, what are we doing?" he asked with a genuine tone. "It's never been this hard for us to have a conversation. I just really want to know what's going on with you. Please."

I could sense his worry as I placed one of my hands over his across the table. "I know," I told him. "And I think I'm ready to finally tell you the truth."

"Really?" Michael murmured softly, his eyes lighting up with curiosity.

I nodded, proceeding to gather my thoughts. "I've just been thinking a lot about my father recently, with the year of his death coming up soon." I wasn't completely being untruthful, yet it saddened me even more to stay quiet about what I was truly enduring. "I guess it caused me to lash out yesterday."

Michael's gaze softened. He then began playing with my fingers that were in his hold in his usual habit. "That is coming up soon, huh?" he said quietly. "Mani, I'm so sorry."

"It's alright, really," I assured him quickly, hanging my head in shame. "It still haunts me, though."

Michael nodded understandingly. "As I would imagine," he replied, empathy coating his tone. His face shone with remembrance, and he soon raised an eyebrow. "What about those scars and cuts I saw along your arm?"

Shit. My heart raced a mile a minute, and I quickly attempted to come up with a believable excuse. "Usually, I wear make-up to cover them up, as I am right now," I explained. "But, they came from..." I trailed off, already ashamed for the lies that continued falling from my lips.

Michael gasped, as he knew what I was referring to. "Did you harm yourself?" he pressed further.

My gaze fell to the floor, and my heart sunk deep within my chest. Many horrible emotions were coursing through my veins as my inner demons taunted me for continuing to lie to Michael. I couldn't stand to continue uttering untruthful things, so I remained silent, which he took as an answer to his question.

"Oh, God," Michael muttered sadly, searching for my gaze. I avoided it, unable to match his caring, brown gaze with my guilt-filled one. "I'm...I'm so sorry, I had no idea." You still don't.

"You didn't know," I assured him, attempting to rid of his evident guilt. "Please don't feel bad."

"I just wish I'd known," Michael admitted honestly. His statement caused my heart to sink even further down my chest from his sad tone. "I would've helped you."

I heard his voice waver slightly on his last few words, which caused me to walk around the table and embrace him tightly. "It's not your fault, Michael," I soothed him softly, rubbing his back gently as I absorbed his warmth. "Don't blame yourself."

A single tear fell from his eye and onto my shoulder. "It's hard not to," he admitted. "We've known each other forever...how did I not notice?"

"Because I didn't want you to," I told him. He then pulled away from me, establishing our eye contact. Through my false statements, I still tried conveying the truth through my words. "I know I should've told you way sooner, considering he's been gone for almost a year, but—"

"Stop," Michael commanded softly, allowing my head to fall on his shoulder. "I should be the one comforting you," he giggled. "I guess I just feel bad, because I know how hard this has been for you, and I never want you thinking that you're walking alone." I nodded quickly, smiling at his generosity. "I just want you to come to me if you ever have those kinds of negative thoughts again, Imani. Please."

Hearing the pleading in his voice caused tears to blur my vision quickly, but I was thankful that I'd gained the strength to suppress them almost immediately. "I will," I murmured. "I promise."

With that, we joined our lips to properly show our affection for each other with a soft kiss. I savored the moment in its entirety, knowing that once he figured out the complete truth, it'd blow up in my face bigger than I'd expect it to.

•••

Sorry for this relatively short chapter, guys! I hope you enjoyed it, nevertheless! Hang on, you guys, things will start moving before you know! Also, happy forty-one years of my second favorite album of all-time, Destiny! I love you all so much, and as always, thank you for reading.