Return to Mt Horizon

14

Emily's pov
"This doesn't explain what we are supposed to do. What are we supposed to tell Sandy? This will break her heart." Derek asked. He was right. I didn't know what to say. "We tell the truth." Hotch said. Everyone looked at him, I couldn't imagine the consequences of Sandy finding this out.

From what I know, JJ didn't have the best relationship with her. She had told me how they always fought, even when she was a kid. Maybe that was true. Maybe the real JJ didn't get along with her mother, so my JJ did the same. I shook my head thinking about it all.

"Hotch, we don't know what Sandy will do. She could sue, she could ruin JJ's life." Rossi added. "Let me finish." Hotch stated. "Shelby explains that when she was 18, she met JJ and woke up in the hospital one day, unable to remember anything. The doctors called her "JJ" so she believed she was JJ. On this case, she learned about Shelby and all her memories came back."

I looked at Spencer. "Is that possible? To lose memories only to gain them 12 years later?" Ezra asked. Spencer sat quiet, thinking about all the possible reasons. "The brain is a complex organ by itself, and memories make it more complex. The use of our senses, smell, hearing, add to memories and allow us to remember things our subconscious tries to forget."

Auggie put his hands up and shook his head. "Can someone translate for me?" I don't know if it was everything going on, but I didn't understand one word that came out of his mouth. "I think he's saying yes, it's possible. This case could have triggered something in her brain to make her remember her life." Daisy said.

"Excuse me." I whispered, getting up to leave. I walked out the back door and took a deep breath, I needed Oxygen. It felt good. I started walking down the paths, until I heard a familiar voice coming from the docks. "I just want everything to stop. I just want to be someone new." JJ was saying.

Sophie was sitting next to her on the dock, hugging her into her side. "Hey." I said, not knowing what she wanted me to call her. Both blondes looked at me. "Can we talk?" I asked. Sophie got up and I took her place sitting next to her on the wood. I saw the cigarette in her hand and reached for it. She gave it up before I held it to my lips.

"I didn't know you smoked." She said. I nodded, looking at the water. "There's a lot you don't know about me." She looked away from me and I felt like shit. I didn't mean to say it like that. "Emily doesn't smoke. Lauren did. Sometimes when I don't know what to do, Lauren comes out. She was one of the identities Clyde let me choose from."

I felt her look at me but I kept talking. "He gave me three options, Lauren was my pick. When Emily wasn't able to do something, Lauren did. She protected me even after she legally died. When I was in Paris, she came out. I wasn't Emily while I lived in Paris, I was Lauren. Even when I came back to the BAU I wasn't Emily. I had lived as Lauren for so long, Emily got lost."

"It wasn't until I was with you that I felt like I was Emily again. Not the Ambassadors kid, not Lauren, not FBI Emily. Just Emily." I could tell she didn't know why I was saying any of this. "I think somewhere between 18 and now, Shelby disappeared. And now I want her back but I can't find her." She cried, not looking at me.

"I get that. I know how it feels to lose yourself. And I know my blondie is in there somewhere." I said, taking her head in my hands. "I see the blonde that has the brightest smile, the one that shines brighter than the sun. I see the girl that doesn't take shit from anyone, especially from men that treat her like shit. I see the blonde girl I fell in love with. Not only JJ, not only Shelby, but a mix of the two of them."

Her eyes got teary and I pulled her into me. "I can't find the girl you're talking about. I just see a grey blob of nastiness and lies. I can't find me." I played with her hair and rubbed her back. "Let us help you. Let everyone in there help find the real JJ and Shelby mix." She pulled back and smiled. "I'd like that." I helped her stand and we walked back to the others.