Would you Swallow all your Pride?

Chapter Thirty-Five: Onyx.

Billie Dean wetted her lips as she stepped into the kitchen, mind on the food she was about to eat. When her eyes moved up and she saw Wilhemina, however, her heart skipped a beat. She stopped for a moment. Shit.

Venable gulped. She held the fork in her hand, eyes focused on Billie Dean. Of course she looks as gorgeous as ever. Wilhemina forced herself to swallow the food she had been chewing. "Hi."

"Hi." Billie Dean shifted her weight from one leg to the other, hand reaching to play with the hem of her dress. Honey eyes fell down to Venable's neck, instantly searching for the purple marks; there were none there. Good makeup. Contrary to what she wanted, a rush of joy jolted through her body; there were no new marks, apparently. "Um—I thought you had gone out with Emma."

Emma Emma Emma. "I don't need to be around Emma all the time," the words were harsh and cold. Wilhemina didn't appreciate her tone, but she also couldn't control it. Not when Billie Dean was there, looking so pretty and so unreachable.

Ouch. Billie Dean felt as if they were right back to when they had first met. Eggshells all over again. "Right." Licking her lips out of nervousness, Billie looked away. She clearly doesn't want me around. What had Billie Dean done to them? What had she done to their relationship? I'm letting her down.

She's hurt. A different kind of pain struck through Wilhemina's chest; Billie Dean was someone she could trust, someone she could allow her walls down. And right now, they felt like strangers. She took a deep breath. "She's... she's having lunch with everyone else." Her words were considerably softer now.

Her aura has changed. It was rougher, but also... coldly warmer. Pain. She's in pain. But so was Billie Dean. "You didn't want to join?" Slowly, she walked towards the counter to grab herself some food. From the corner of her eye, she saw Venable already making room for her on the table.

Wilhemina shook her head. Will she even want to have lunch with me? "I don't feel very well."

Billie Dean gently set her things down and took a seat, right across Venable. Now, closer, she realized the bags under Wilhemina's eyes. "What's wrong?" It was an honest question. How could Billie know Venable wasn't feeling well and pretend she didn't care? How could she not care? I think I'm starting to love her.

Do you really wanna know? Wilhemina didn't think she could make herself talk about it. She could barely put her thoughts in order, let alone organize them enough to talk them out in a way that carried any resemblance of sense. "I suppose I'm stressed with work."

That was bullshit. Billie Dean knew how Venable's job was doing; she had everything already settled, she was on top of her game. Reaching to open her container, Billie hummed. "Is there anything I can do?"

Kiss me. The thought came flying through Wilhemina's mind. She looked down at her food, fork playing with a piece of lettuce. "Not really."

She's avoiding me. Suddenly, Billie's appetite was gone. I've been avoiding her, too... It didn't feel the same; Billie Dean was avoiding Venable to protect herself. Why is she avoiding me? Was Wilhemina protecting herself, too? I'm hurting her. "Are you sure?" What had Billie Dean done?

Venable didn't know why, but the question had annoyed her in a way she absolutely did not appreciate. "I'm sure." Forcing herself to take another bite, Wilhemina chewed the food harshly.

Billie Dean nodded to herself. She got a forkful as well, eyes down. It all felt so weird. I fucked it up big time. If she didn't have any chance before, now she had even less of it. What could she even say? Everything that crossed through her mind were confessions; confessions of love, of unspoken feelings, of scenarios she so desperately wished could happen. "The pork is really good..." she murmured. Honey eyes slowly moved up to Wilhemina. When was the last time I saw her as serious as today?