Would you Swallow all your Pride?

Chapter Thirty-Six: Beige.

Billie Dean fumed. She stood there without really knowing what to do, nor what to think. She kept on staring at the wall on the other side of the balcony, looking at nothing at all. I'm trapped. How had things come to that point? When did Emma shift from being a lovely woman to someone who threatened her like that? Billie knew Emma's aura wasn't exactly bright but it was ordinary, just like most people's. It had shifted, now. Slowly bringing the cigarette to her lips, Billie Dean realized her body was trembling. She wanted to cry; she wanted to scream, wanted to run after Emma and confront her. But she didn't. She didn't do any of that, because she simply couldn't. She felt numb, with no energy and with no tears left. I deserve it. The universe was making it pretty clear that she should stay away from Wilhemina. Why did she ever enter my life if I can't have her to myself? Her chest hurt. Her head hurt. Everything hurt. With the same numbness of her mind, her body moved on autopilot to lit another cigarette. Her coat had been burned with the ashes that had flown there—it was a nice coat, high end—but Billie Dean figured so what? Everything good comes to an end, after all. She smoked the cigarette with her eyes focused on nothing at all, mind empty and body trapped inside itself. And then, when she was done with it, she walked inside as if nothing had happened, as if her heart didn't feel as if it were bleeding and drying out.

Afternoon passed by rather quickly. Wilhemina did alienate herself with work, filling excel sheets and typing report after report. Every single task she had to do was done; the benefits were all settled, the monthly report was done, the policies of the company were updated. What am I going to do tomorrow all day? Could she stay home? That's unethical. But so were her feelings right now. When everyone began getting ready to leave, Venable was quick to turn her computer off and already get up to put on her coat. She wanted to go home to Purpura and moisturize her skin and maybe put on some classic music and paint her feelings out. From the corner of her eye, she saw Emma approaching her table with a small smile. Wilhemina held back a sigh.

"I was thinking we could go out for ice cream?" Emma's words were sweet, but Venable felt sour. Take it easy.

"I need to go home. Purpura needs her skin moisturized."

"Oh." Emma shifted on her feet. Wilhemina tried to ignore how strangely guilty she felt; she needed time to herself, after all, and she had already been around Emma all day. "Maybe we can buy some and stop to eat it at your place?"

Ugh. Did Venable even feel comfortable bringing Emma to her house? Billie Dean was there, and it was alright... Billie Dean had even spent the night; Billie Dean had slept on her bed, had taken a shower in her bathroom. Billie Dean had fit perfectly into her place. Emma is not Billie Dean. But Billie Dean didn't feel like Billie Dean anymore. And it hurt. It hurt in a way she hadn't experienced before, and Venable was one to experience a lot of pain in her lifetime. I'll just hurt her right now. "I'm sorry, I don't feel good. It's not a good day."

Emma's smile disappeared from her lips. "Can't I help you in any way?"

Venable shook her head. Emma looked hurt, too. I hurt everyone. "I just need to be alone."

"Have I done anything wrong?"

Wilhemina shook her head yet again. Annoyance built up inside her chest. Calm down. "No. I promise."

Emma hesitated, but nodded. "Alright... let me walk you to your car at least?"

"Sure." Venable could handle that. She grabbed her purse and began making her way to the elevator. As soon as she took a first step, Emma reached to tangle her fingers with hers. Wilhemina wanted to pull away. She wanted to not be acknowledged as a person at all. But she didn't, because she knew it would hurt Emma, and Emma didn't seem to deal very well with being hurt. Is that how Billie Dean felt when she flinched? Venable pushed the thought away.