Would you Swallow all your Pride?

Chapter Thirty-Four: Porpoise.

Jenny hummed as she walked to the sink and reached for the mugs on the cabinet. "These two have gotten pretty close, huh?"

Billie Dean frowned. She turned back to Jenny. "What?" Only then she saw the girl pointing to Wilhemina's and Emma's mug, which were left to dry together on the counter. She gulped.

Jenny's eyes opened wide for a moment. "Uh-oh..."

"What?" Billie Dean asked again, and this time a tiny bit of annoyance joined her tone.

"You're not a very good actress..." A sigh left Billie Dean's lips. She set their food down and took a seat on the table. Jenny soon joined her with their mugs down and the bottle of orange juice. I don't want to talk about it. "You didn't tell her, did you?"

"Tell her what?" Billie Dean's walls were high. Jenny sighed as she kept on staring at her. After a minute and with much hesitation, Billie shook her head. She sighed. "No. I did not tell her." Her honey eyes avoided Jenny's.

"Why?" Jenny reached for her food.

"Because." Billie Dean opened her container and reached for the orange juice. She poured them both some. Her eyes kept on avoiding Jenny's at all costs.

"Because...?"

"Jenny, I don't want to talk about it." Setting the juice aside, Billie Dean looked at the girl. And Jenny carried that look in which Billie knew she would manage to get her to open up, because she always did, and she never judged. And so her walls slowly began to crumble, and her eyes began to sting again. For fuck's sake. "She... she's with Emma."

"Is it serious, now?"

"I don't know... I think so." Her words came in a murmur. Billie Dean reached for her fork and mindlessly played with her food. I feel defeated.

"So you didn't even try?"

That was enough. Billie Dean's eyes stared at Jenny like she could pierce through her soul. "Try what, Jenny?" With her voice louder and rougher, Billie gulped the lump in her throat. "Should I just tell her that I'm fucking in love with her and leave her to deal with that information alone? Should I come between her and Emma and just make her choose a side? Should I fucking tell her that I can't stand b-being just friends and that's why I'm pulling away?" With her chin trembling, Billie Dean refused to acknowledge the way her eyes began to overflow. "She's taken so long to open up, Jenny! She's taken weeks to even smile at me, it's not fair! Imagine how long she must have taken to kiss her?!" Her face scrunched up in a sob. Billie Dean set her fork down and leaned back on the chair. She sniffled. "I can't do that to her! I just can't... I'm t-too late... I'm too late, J-Jenny..." With her palms, Billie covered her face. She took a deep breath, trying to keep the rest of the tears inside. "And I've t-tried pushing it a-aside... I tried ignoring i-it... I am trying." Her hands left her face, falling to her lap in defeat. "But I c-can't anymore. And I'm terrified because she's the o-only person I feel connected to i-in ages, and I'm l-losing her. I'm losing t-the best thing that's e-ever happened to m-me in God knows h-how long... why am I such a failure, J-Jenny?" It was an honest question; Billie Dean desperately wanted to know why. But Jenny only stared at her, with eyes that radiated comfort but not pity. Billie sniffled again, eyes falling to her lap. She focused on making her tears stop yet again, and when they finally did, Jenny was still there, listening to her, giving her time and space. With one last sniffle, Billie Dean reached to wipe her cheeks dry.

"Billie," Jenny said once Billie seemed to be composed again. Her voice was gentle, reassuring, soothing. "Do you even know how she truly feels about Emma?"

"No," Billie murmured as she shook her head, eyes down still. "But I know how Emma feels about her." Jenny hummed, encouraging her to keep going. Billie Dean took a deep breath. "Remember Terry?"