Would you Swallow all your Pride?

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Vermilion.

Venable shook it off. She felt so small, so incompetent. I should have stayed home. "Don't apologize." It wasn't Emma's fault she was all wrong, so damn insufficient, weak, miserable. I need a break. Her chin wanted to tremble, her molars hurt from how much she had been tightening her jaw. "Where's the bathroom?"

Emma frowned in confusion for a split second. "To the right, uh, on the hall." She pointed to it.

Wilhemina looked that way and gave her a nod before quietly walking there. She locked the door behind herself and turned the lights on. And then, she stared at the mirror. Her brown eyes threatened to overflow. I should have stayed home. Who am I, thinking I could ever manage to adequate myself for a date on someone else's house? She gulped harshly, knuckles white as she squeezed the cane. Her eyes didn't blink not even once; Wilhemina kept on staring at herself in the mirror, almost as if she was daring herself to cry. Her heart was beating fast. I want a Valium. She had already taken one before leaving home, and more than that was off limits to Venable. I should be able to function like a normal human being, for fuck's sake! The hand squeezing the cane squeezed it so hard Wilhemina feared she would injure herself. Her eyes were still blankly staring at the reflex on the mirror, tears there but not really. And then her phone vibrated. And Wilhemina knew who that was. And for a split second, she could breathe.

With a loud gulp and a hand that definitely but slightly shook, Venable reached for her phone inside her clutch, which forced her to blink; matching tears slipped down her cheeks. Carefully, she sat down on the closed toilet, and then she looked at the bright screen on her phone: it was Billie Dean, just as she knew it would be. Shakily, she took a deep breath and clicked on the notification: 'You're always so caring, Wilhemina. Thank you. I mean it.' read the first one, 'I wish I had met you sooner.' Venable bit her lower lip. What did that mean? She moved to read the next and last text. 'I'm thinking about you, too. Almost too much. Definitely more than I should be thinking.' Fiery eyebrows drew themselves closer. Wilhemina read it again. Almost too much. Definitely more than I should be thinking. Venable couldn't quite wrap her mind around the words... but she oddly saw herself in them. She identified with them. She understood, in a level rather than the usual mental one, what Billie Dean meant. But what did it all mean? Wilhemina had no idea. Brown eyes kept on staring at the screen in front of them, thumbs tapping on each side of the mobile as she thought about what to answer. Maybe I'm just exaggerating. Venable would be the first one to admit she wasn't the best in social cues. Maybe that's just how having people in your life works. How would Wilhemina know? She began to text Billie Dean back. 'Do not thank me for caring about you. Have you had a break yet? Did you eat? Is Jenny helping you?' She hit send, and then she put her phone back inside her clutch and got up to look in the mirror again. Wilhemina took another deep breath, eyes on herself. It's alright... it's okay... Emma is a good person. She was comfortable to be around, and she never once treated her differently because of her cane. She was just trying to help. The frustration Venable had felt had nothing to do with Emma, and she knew that; it was about herself. And it wasn't fair to ruin their night because of it. She doesn't deserve it. Wilhemina reached for a piece of toilet paper and gently wiped the matching tears away. Her makeup was still intact, which was good. I deserve to appreciate tonight, too. Wilhemina knew it was a huge step, and she was, for once in her life, proud of herself for coming that far. Her nerves had calmed down by now. Decided to honor Emma's lovely gesture, Venable unlocked the door and followed back to the living room. "Emma?"

"In the kitchen," Emma called softly.

Venable followed to where she figured the voice had come from. Emma had already settled the table on a more secluded area, almost like a dinning room, making sure everything was nicely placed. A small smile touched Wilhemina's lips. The food smelled heavenly. "Thank you..." Somewhat shyly, she approached Emma, who stood near the counter. When she reached her, Wilhemina gathered enough courage to reach for her waist and caress it. Emma's eyes instantly lit up. "This is beautiful."